i think this was a mistake

I was watching a movie with my host family (because they insisted the story was so beautiful and my team had to see it) and that was a line/sentence said in the movie that made me think.

I wrote in my journal: ” ‘i think this was a mistake.’ – those are the words spoken right before change happens.”

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We sang at a celebration in the park. It was a 500th year anniversary for the reformation, and we met some other believers in the city while at the park because of our performance, and visited their church to worship with them the next day. 

I couldn’t understand the sermon since it was all in spanish, but God highlighted this little balloon fragment still hanging from a string up in the rafters above me. 

And He said, “This represents me, i popped on behalf of the world, that all the life within me would escaped into the universe to give life to the world. Just as the oxygen from the balloon went out so my life went out into an oxygenless place.”

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 Tonight i sat down and had another great conversation with one of my teammates who honestly hasn’t been the easiest person for me to get along with, and again i felt the growth that’s happened between us – and how worth it is to press in for that.

It was a real, raw, and encouraging talk. I came away realizing again how good God is and how He can do anything.

Do you know how MUCH God loves all the people we don’t?!? He keeps blowing my mind with how much He loves…..and how He’ll share that love if we ask Him to share it with us.

I’m grateful for this journey. The journey where we fight for what we say we believe in, and where we are able to explore the reality of who God says He is, and who we say we are, and where we get to see how much God loves the world. Where we get to be bearers and recievers of that love, both with our teammates, and with those we go to and who come to us.

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Yesterday was my last day in the school ministry i’ve done all month. After our last class we had to wait a bit before the teachers finished a teachers meeting, and then we went out to eat dinner together; our only out of school event together with our Chilean coteachers (and now friends) before we left Chile.

We laughed a lot, ate pizza, and got to hear a bit more about these people we’d been working with for the last month.

 After the initial perspective shift to focus on encouraging the teachers it was so rewarding to sit with them and see the fruit of that. It wasn’t huge life altering results i witnessed, but it was roots of friendship and gratitude and for that i’m grateful. And the roots went both ways. 

I will genuinely miss getting up to join them during the week.

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Now it’s been two days since that evening.

Last night was another moment that capped this time in Chile. 

We’d met a few other people at the park that night of reformation celebration. And right before we left, while the wind blew and the streets emptied and the stars shone brighter, there was this dear sister who’d spent some time in the states and made a point to introduce us to her family and church people. “I want you to experience REAL empanadas!” She exclaimed. “When can we meet?” So she made it happen, and last night we drove out of town and up into the hills where there is no running water and no electricity, and the roads aren’t paved to a simple church overlooking the valley. What a view! 

All around the mountains growing ever higher, the farther and higher ones capped with fresh snow from the rain fall the night before. And down below the green ribbed with the bright colored structures that form LosAndes.

(this picture does not capture the way the mountains surround the place i stand…)

Cacti peppers the hill all around the church, along with little structures that resemble childrens playhouses. Poorly constructed dwellings of those who have nowhere else to go.

 We heard the testimony of the church and how the cities Mayor had finally allowed people to move onto the hill. Of how betrayals happened in another city which led the pastor to come here. And how the church thrived among the poor and outcast.

Then we ate what the people had prepared in love for us; we strangers with their sacrificial generosity between our teeth as they apologized for their lack of english.

We ate and laughed and played Uno. We taught slang and sang worship as the sun turned the sand of the far mountains to golden hills.

And we prayed. 

We prayed till the tears streamed down our faces. And we hugged goodbye with our tears kissing eachothers faces.

We did not have enough time in Chile.

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But we have been told time and again that when we return we have homes to call home.

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Dioscidencia.

i think this was a mistake.

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Something good. Its a song (from “The Sound of Music” movie) that my Mom always hated because of the theology implied in the lyrics:

I must have made so many mistakes that led me here. I must have made just all the right wrongs….

I think this was a mistake…

A dioscidencia. What my friend Barrett says is a God coincidence. A God plan. A foreseen wonderful dissaster.

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I’m currently reading “In a pit with a lion on a snowy day” by Mark Batterson. WOW.

It’s teaching me more about my keyword for the year.

But more on that later…

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There have been times when the uncomfortableness of asking people basically: “is God asking you to give me money?” has made me question if God was calling me to join the WorldRace this year. As if i couldn’t love on people and seek Gods heart wherever and whenever in my life; right back in korea or the states. As if i had to go on the WR to do that…

I even had a man in the airport angrily question my motives for traveling abroad when there were so many lost and hurting and needy people in my own country. That’s what he said. He seemed to show me a little glimpse of his wrestle with Jesus. That his heart couldnt understand how Jesus could choose to heal some “bum” in africa – could send people to go seek and save out there – but wasnt willing to stop the recent disaster in Houston, or California..as water and fire destroyed and devastated lives seemingly unchecked…

“Why do you think thats more important then staying and serving in your own country.”

I had to state that it was me following a call. It was obedience over logic or desire.

But sometimes the doubts are there still. Until those moments.

When i know. Know without a doubt, as i hug her, as i hug him. As God hugs them thru me. As love that shouldn’t exist comes. As the joy that is His surges into the moment in my heart. As i consume the moment He dreamed of.

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Definition of mistake: 

1. be wrong about – misread, misconstrue

2. wrongly identify someone or something as

3. something which is not correct or accurate

4. an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong

from the old norse mistaka “take in error” and the french mesprendre (misinterpret?)

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From my own perspective – I cannot see people or life the right way.

I need a continual renewal of my mind: I need to replace all the lies I believe with the promises of God.

I’ve made lot’s of mistakes.

I am a walking misreader, a misconstruer, a misguided being in the quest of following the Light that is thee Way, thee Truth, and thee Life.

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Coming on the WorldRace?

It is seemingly a mistake from every doubtful angle.

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For me,

following the Taker,

who takes to renew all things,

ultimately the Giver,

always Now,

giving so little,

I gain so much,

thus give nothing,

and take everything,

comes change.

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Another sweet gift from God: a time of rest in Chile.

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Ps. The title of the blog is just a sentence said in a movie that i was reflecting on. Whatever it takes, i desire change from the core of my being. That my deepened relationship with the Lord would conform me more into His likeness and that i get to know Him in a deeper and more genuine way… that i could wake up with drool on my face and mumble to Him because thats how near and dear He is to me. And that i’d hear a responce that makes me laugh – with Him. Or makes me weep. Or makes me ponder. Whatever. I want to abide in Him like i breathe without conscious thought.