Jbay felt a lot like home, far more than any other place we’ve been to so far, the community there went above and beyond to welcome us into their events, everything from house church to birthday parties. It certainly kept us busy all month, but it also made saying goodbye harder than it should have been.
Even though we were working with them first, the interns for Global Leadership really felt like they became more friends than coworkers. I know I’ve said this before, but it’s just a weird sensation that comes from putting your heart and soul into connecting with the community and the ministry you’re paired with and then having to say goodbye right when you feel like you’re getting into the groove of things.
The nice thing is that even though we may not see the difference we’re making, our hosts have been good about telling us that they can see a difference and what we’ve been doing has been helpful. It’s always nice to get this feedback when honestly, you can get so caught up in the whirlwind of things that by this point in the Race, it could go either way. There’s not a whole lot of perspective where ministry is concerned right now.
Currently I’m writing to you from the mess hall of the close-to-Cape-Town YWAM base where we will be spending debrief for a few days, and consequently Easter, before flying out of Cape Town International for Johannesburg, Abu Dabi, and then Malaysia where we will be spending Month 7. Malaysia is not technically a closed country, but there are plenty of restrictions, so what I may or may not be able to say on my blog will probably be limited, but we’ll see what we can do.
Important things I learned this month
One of the biggest lessons God taught me about this month concerned feelings. You know, like the Meyers Briggs XXFX? Yeah, if your third letter is an “F” like it is for me, it means that you place more value or have a greater tendency to be guided or effected by your emotions than a logical thinking pattern.
And for me, I am a bigger feeler than any of the other things that make up my Meyers Briggs results. Basically, this means that if I’m feeling any strong emotion it could result in tears. For me specifically, this happens when I’m feeling a negative emotion.
So this month, I really struggled with my feelings, especially the tears because I see them as weakness and because of so many different factors in our society, that has been pounded and pounded into me. And because of the spiritual oppression that came against our team this month as we fought to get to know one another and be united in everything we did, this came up a lot. We made it a point to talk to our teammates, making sure that we apologized if we stepped on toes and brought it to our sister’s attention if she hurt us.
Obviously that resulted in a lot of hard and uncomfortable conversations. And there were a lot of tears on my part. But after a message at house church one week on giving over to God whatever it was that we were holding onto, I finally sat down with God and told him that I still don’t understand why he made me this way, how it could possibly be a strength, or how he’s going to use it for good in my future, but whatever the reason, I was going to open my fists and let him have this one.
As soon as I did that, I was able to see how it could be a strength. Being able to sense other people’s emotions could be an incredibly powerful skill if I learn how to understand it accurately and understand my own emotions and how to better be able to turn them over to the Lord.
So I’m not there yet, the journey still continues, but I think I’ve taken a good first step. It’s a step I might have to take repeatedly, but for what it’s worth, the progress is there.
As we say goodbye to this beautiful country which in many ways has felt a little like a break from the Race, it’s almost like I have to brace myself to be thrown right back in the thick of it without really feeling rested. And that’s a little intimidating, but we’re all eager for Asia and what God will do with our team there. That and the months keep going by faster and faster. I feel like we’ll be flying for the Philippines in a matter of days. It’s also hard to remember that it’s probably still cold back home, that most people will still be wearing sweaters. For a change, it has been a bit cool this month on a couple random days, but as we’re about to head into sweat central, I’m about to kiss my sweatshirt days goodbye until Fall hits Virginia again. Wow, that’s a weird thought.
Okay. Love y’all. Happy Easter.
~TL
P.S. On my squad there are three girls who could still use some help fundraising. Anna, Shea, and Elyssa. Please help us finish well.
