We’ve all seen the movie Shrek. The one with the big green Ogre who saves the princess and has a donkey as a friend. If not, check it out next movie night!
I believe there is a lot a person can learn from the movie….hear me out.
After the burps and poop jokes in the movie, I see a lot that resembles my race…Well, maybe I should include the burps and poop jokes if I’m being honest.
In the movie, Shrek explains to his friend, Donkey, that Ogres are like onions. “Onions?” Donkey asked, “Why because if you leave them in the sun they turn brown and sprout little white hairs?” “No!” Shrek replied. “Because onions have layers”.
I always thought that was a funny scene and would even use it as a metaphor when talking to other Christians about God, but it wasn’t until recently on my race that God brought that scene to my mind about my own life.
The past 11 months I have been on a crazy journey with the Lord. All over the world I have seen and been apart of the church. I have seen beauty after God made beauty and darkness after man made darkness.
In many ways, it has left me reeling.
Overwhelmed by the intense emotions I have experienced with each beautiful moment and each painful experience. But each month, God seems to bring something up in my heart through those difficult experiences. He has brought up a wound, a memory, or an old circumstance. At first I thought He was being cruel and found myself being angry with Him and pushing Him away little by little. I couldn’t understand why God would bring something up that I already ‘dealt with’. It wasn’t until recently that I started to see that my definition of ‘dealt with it’ wasn’t exactly doing the job.
You see, when difficult things happen or a hurt is inflicted, I have always gone to God. I’d tell Him about it quickly and find some verse that speaks about it to slap it on like a bandaid and keep going. I didn’t realize in doing so, I really was just pushing my pain and emotions down deep. When it reared it’s head again I’d recite that same tried and true verse and push it back down.
Don’t get me wrong, there is power in the word. Speaking scripture over your life is one of the most important things you can do. Proclaiming His truth in a circumstance is 100% part of the process of walking out what God says. But on the race I have been presented with the revelation that proclaiming truth is also about reminding myself of God’s character. Who He is and how I can depend on Him. Yes, He is dangerous, He is wild, He is strong, but, He is also is our ever present help and a God we can take refuge in. Dangerous and safe altogether. Dangerous in that He will call us to do crazy things, one of those crazy things is facing an uncomfortable emotion and trusting Him to walk us through a hard time. In proclaiming a truth but pushing the emotion away, I was refusing to take refuge in Him. I found myself on the race determined to run away, scared of what I started to understand He was asking me to do
.…Feel.
A mentor of mine recently shared some wisdom with me. She said that If we don’t confront our feelings and emotions and chose to just say ‘God is good’ then we are only receiving surface level healing. It looks healed for now but we aren’t allowing God to get to the root or core of our pain to heal. But, if we confront all that we feel and get those feelings all out to God, then He can heal all the way down. But in doing so, I have had to confront a lie I didn’t realize I had always believed. That emotion is weakness. My mentor helped me make a shift in my thinking to see that emotions are not weakness but actually a guide. Yes, it’s not healthy to be ruled by our emotions, but we can use them to guide us to what is actually broken. For example, If someone forgets do something that they promised and you respond with a strong emotional response such as anger and sadness you can 1) be angry and express that anger to the person, 2) Say God loves me and doesn’t forget about me so stop being so emotional, or 3) take it to God in open conversation and ask why you had such a strong reaction to the situation.
I have found that by choosing route 3, I find the root of my feelings. Taking it to God, feeling the feels alone with Him, maybe journaling it out, praying about it, or even crying about it to God, I can ask God what is the emotion attached to. In doing this for myself I would find that I wasn’t hurt by the forgotten promise, it was actually a deeper wound. For example, I was hurt because it enforced a lie I had believed that I was unwanted and unloved.
That’s the root.
From there I can pray and ask the Lord to show me where that lie started, which I have found that God is very faithful to bring the root to light. Maybe that root is a particular situation or circumstance that happened in the past. If I choose to experience those emotions rather than run away from them I can allow God to heal each onion like layer until I experience full healing.
This process for me is early on but I am experiencing so much of the Lord through it. No longer am I frustrated, feeling God is cruel by bringing up the difficult stuff. Instead, I feel He is near to me willing to slowly and gently heal each layer at my own pace. He doesn’t cut right to the core leaving the layers still intact and me oozing out. No, He takes His time (a whole 11 months) to allow me to work through each layer with Him, feeling fully seen and fully known.
Through this growth I have seen how close my Father is to me and how fully He wants me to experience wholeness and health. He is loving, He is gentle, and He truly is good.
He is ready to heal our onion like layers, if we are willing to let Him.
Thank you all for the love and support these last 11 months!
I can not believe there is only 19 days left on this crazy journey!
