Barbed wire
Cement walls
Trash littering the ground
We walk a little further and the sights don’t stop.
A sea of tarps
Battered tents
“This is crazy,” I hear someone say.
Kids playing in a crate with a rope
Men with clothes that are obviously worn out
Women with only little hope in their eyes
Walking into the refugee camp we are overwhelmed at what we see within the first 10 minutes. Most of us are quiet as we get a tour around the camp, as we are processing what we are actually seeing.
We get a tour of the camp and see that we are way under staffed and that they are exceeding maximum capacity by the thousands. We learn about the jobs we may have and the reactions that refugees may have.
“You just have to remember that they are most likely not mad at you, they are mad at the situation.”
You see, a lot of people have been in the camp for over a year. Others have been there less time but they are just trying to provide for their families in any way that they can. Others are just tired, cold, and hungry and they are just trying to survive.
After orientation ended we jumped right in. Some people helping with housing, some people cleaning out tents for new arrivals, some people manning the printer for a few hours, and some people working the info desk where everyone comes with their questions.
I was one of the last to get an assignment for the day but I’m ready and willing to do whatever they ask. I want to help. I want to make a difference.
“Can you go to level 2 and be the gate guard? All you have to do is just make sure their card says 2 and you let them in.”
Really?! This is what I get assigned? All of my squad mates are doing the dirty work and I get stuck sitting there at a gate… I fight the spirit of disappointment and the spirit of comparison that are trying to come against me as I arrive at my gate.
I’m sitting there for a while and it isn’t as bad as I thought. A lot of the people that live on this level are respectful and kind. They ask me questions about where I’m from, questions about my family, and they teach me a little of their language.
Simple enough. I could get used to this.
“Do you have your card?” I ask everyone as they come to the gate. Everyone understood it was just my job and they took it out with no resistance, with the exception of one.
“You can’t make me show you my card.”
“You’re right, but I can’t let you in without it.”
“No one can stop me from what I want to do. No one can control me.”
“I’m not trying to control you. I just need everyone to show me their card.”
This goes on for a while. Around 10 minutes back and forth and the man still hasn’t budged. I Remember what we were told earlier that day. They were mad at their situation, not you.
“If you just show me your card, I can let you go and we can be done with this,” I say to him in hopes that he would finally give in.
“You can’t control me. You are nothing.”
Instant defeat. I believed him for a second. All I wanted to do in that moment was crawl into myself and cry because I believed that I wasn’t worthy enough to be loved. I believed that I had nothing to offer and that I was just wasted space.
But wait. Didn’t I just spend month 2 hammering identity into the core of who I am?
Yes. I did.
I’m not nothing. I’m a son. I’m an heir. I’m a coheir to the throne with Jesus. (Romans 8:16-17) I spent everyday this last month thinking and meditating on this as my identity, and I finally got a point where I believed it.
Despite the fact that this man called me nothing, I could walk away knowing that this isn’t true. I could walk away being secure in my identity and being safe and secure in the Father’s arms. Though it brought back past insecurities and past grief, the present Caleb knows better. The present Caleb is confident and strong. This man could say what he wanted to me but the present Caleb was standing firm in believing in himself and believing that he has authority through Jesus.
After this conversation the man finally gave in. He showed me his card and I let him go.
We didn’t work until almost two days later after this conversation. When we finally did work again it was the overnight shift. Midnight-10AM. Of course, I was at level 2 all night guarding the gate, and it was exactly where I wanted to be.
This man came back around 2AM and we struck up a conversation, this time more civil. We ended up talking for close to an hour before he went to sleep, despite the fact that he was not happy with me a few days before.
This is who God is. He gives us identity. He gives us strength, authority, and comfort. He is a God of restored relationships, and mending broken bridges. He is a God who cares so deeply about each one of us, and I’m so stoked that I get to be a visual representation of that to the refugees for the rest of the month. I get to love the unloved and I get to be His hands and feet, even if that is just guarding a gate.
So be strong my friends. Be confident in your identity. You are a son/daughter. You are an heir to the throne, and coheir with Christ.
Thanks for reading,
Caleb Callaway
