June 5, 2017 (Two days before)
Right now I am feeling completely inadequate.
I’m not the right person for this.
Preparation for the Race has come in many shapes and sizes for me. Things like stepping down from leadership within my job, buying gear, and saying the hard goodbyes to people that I love have just been a few of them. All of these things have ultimately made the transition into life on the field a lot harder for me than I thought. I thought this transition would be easy, at least a little bit…
Fundraising has been another battle. I have been blown away by the love and support that I have already received… Having just under $8k is incredible, but then I look at how much I still have to raise. A big 5 figure number stares back at me and I instantly feel as if my resources are being depleted. I know I am being dramatic, but I can’t help it with a number like $10,000…
I’m an experienced traveller. I’ve experienced and adapted to multiple other cultures, and I’ve done the “missionary” thing in all of those cultures. You would think that this type of upbringing would make the World Race a walk in the park for me… That’s at least what I thought would happen. But after months of preparation and fundraising, it’s all catching up to me. So many different countries with so many different cultures and customs…
The World Race is unlike any other mission trip Ive been on. From the videos I’ve seen, and the blogs I’ve read, things happen that I have never experienced. People from all around the world get healed, all because the Holy Spirit spoke to a Racer and they pray for them. People get saved on the spot from street and door to door evangelism. Racers, especially men, tend to preach in church fairly consistently no matter what country they are in. Life and truth will be spoken into peoples lives, and I will see that physically and tangibly…
Am I really the right person for this? God, are you sure it wasn’t my neighbor you were trying to call on this trip, but the message got delivered to the wrong address? Are you sure you want this broken human to be the one to proclaim your goodness and grace, even if I don’t know if I have experienced that fully myself?
And don’t even get me started on training camp… I am so extremely nervous. Because of my personality, and the way that I often carry myself, I would never actually tell you that. I will always say that Im excited and ready for it, but inside I am freaking out. What if my squad doesn’t like me? What if the team I am placed on has all of the people I know I will have a hard time with? What if I don’t pass the physical test we have to do? What do I do if I go to find out I am extremely unprepared?
These are the questions that have been running through my head the past week or so, trying to calm myself down, and get ready for all that is going to happen.
Training Camp thoughts and happenings
Sleeping scenarios, crazy food, unpacking, repacking, lots of hiking, information overload, bucket showers, and porta-pottys. This list right here sums up TC pretty darn well. Let’s just say that if you like to feel clean and look nice then training camp isn’t for you. If you are one of those people that have to take a shower everyday then bucket showers will seem like a nightmare to you.
Overall, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Most nights I didn’t get a full night of sleep because of things like pretending we were in the airport, or waking up in the middle of the night to pray, the crazy downpour of rain on my hammock, or just the lack of warm things from getting my pack taken away. Most days, I packed and repacked my stuff at least once, and ate a crazy amount of food from all over the world. Bucket showers were our only form of getting clean, and porta- pottys were our only bathrooms. All while living in community with the 42 other people I will be doing life with this next year.
My squad, from the beginning, had something different. Not only in the way that we carried ourselves, but in the physical side of things as well. X Squad was blessed enough to have 13 guys. Half way through camp, us men got to hike 12 miles on the Appalachian Trail and just do what we can to build community with each other. That night, the Holy Spirit met us and altered the path of all of our lives. He anointed each and every one of us to be the men that He has called us to be, and to band together in a manner that is different. From that point on, each of men carried ourselves differently. We have a greater calling placed on our lives, and I’m stoked to watch that play out with these brothers.
The sessions were unreal. Talking about anything from healing, to preaching, to time management, to forgiveness, to the voice of God, they covered it all. They equipped us and sent us out with weapons and tools to bring the kingdom of God all across the nations.
June 18, 2017 (One day after)
Here I am 13 days later, with a completely different mindset on almost everything. Training Camp has come and gone, and I have grown in so many ways. With the sleeping scenarios out of the way, and a full nights rest finally under my belt, I feel like I finally have time to process.
What happened at training camp was incredible. I can honestly say that I feel like a new man coming back. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I was vulnerable to a group of people that I have barely known for over a week, and that altered the way that I live my life.
If you look up a couple paragraphs you can see all that I doubted. Whether it be doubt in myself or doubt in what God would do, it was doubt nonetheless. I was so set on doing it myself, that I didn’t even give God a chance to come in and make the changes. That is, until training camp.
During TC I saw some crazy stuff. I was apart of sickness being healed, prophetic words being spoken, lies being shaken off, and confidence being restored. I wrote my first “sermon,” opened up to 12 guys I barely knew, talked to someone in the airport about Jesus, and more clearly saw who I am in God’s eyes. This was all new to me. Where I felt inadequate before, I feel restored now. Where I doubted before, I feel confident now. God showed me some pretty crazy things throughout these last 10 days, and started a process of loving myself in a way that I never have before.
It is difficult to explain the thoughts and feelings that I truly have about training camp. I cant wait to start this journey with the 42 amazing souls that I have already bonded and built relationships with. Its surreal to think that just under a year ago I thought about applying for this crazy adventure. And here I am, Post training camp… anticipating the adventure ahead.
Thanks for the support thus far! Because of you guys I have raised just over $10,000! My next goal is to be fully funded before launch on August 3rd!
This is my Squad for the next 11 months!
X SQUAD
