If only I could put into words what God has been teaching me, but if I’m being honest I really can’t. The past couple weeks have brought about a whirlwind of emotions. Anywhere from being happy, to completely beaten down, to filled, to broken, to uncomfortable, to confident, to insecure. Any feeling that you can have within a two week span of time, I probably felt it. There are reason for this, obviously. The biggest reason being work. I love what I do and the people I work with, but there is a point when you hit a breaking point. To the point where you feel as if you can’t function anymore, but then you get up the next day and do it all over again. It felt never ending and I was tired. From going to work to church then trying to have a social life all at the same time was a lot, and it still is. But the great part about being super busy at some points is that God comes in and shows you things that you would have never seen. He introduced me to people that I never knew I needed, and he captivated me in a way that I didn’t know I could be.
With all of this craziness going on I sought guidance from two God-fearing men in my life. One of which I have just recently gotten to know. Their hearts for the Lord and their drive to be guided by the spirit is something that I look up to in both of them. Within these times that I have gotten to meet up with both of them God has been revealing different parts of Himself to me, and ultimately showing me that He will work through whatever situation I am in if I simply place it at His feet. On one hand, one of these mentors of mine spoke the idea of hard work and dedication to this work that God has placed me in. The idea that he has me in this place for a reason, so it is just a matter of working with a happy and joyful heart despite the long hours and stressful circumstances. The testimony that I can be is tremendous if I keep at it with a dedicated heart and mind. On the other end of the spectrum, the other one told me this is a season of learning how to say no. Learning to value your own time and learning to know your limits and your breaking points is so valuable. At that point I can do what I need to do to refill my cup and, in turn, serve others better.
So which option am I supposed to take? Both of these solutions were brought up within days of each other, and I had no idea what to do. But as I said before, God showed me things about myself that I never would have known if this had not been the situation. He showed me that I am weak, lazy, selfish, prideful and the list could go on. Did it suck to be caught in this thought process while worrying about 50 other things with work? Absolutely. Was it exactly what I needed? ABSOLUTELY. Even though all of those things seem to be true about me, it doesn’t even matter because God revealed to me my true identity; a son, an heir, a victor, strong and courageous. He told me that ultimately it doesn’t matter which path I decide to take in this crazy season. Ultimately, He is going to work through me no matter which path I take as long as I offer it all up at His feet. As long as I die to myself on the daily and ask the Spirit to lead me that day I should be going in the right direction. As long as my thoughts are His thoughts then it will all work itself out.
So these are the lessons God is teaching me in this season. I’m nowhere close to learning all of the things God wants me to learn, but this next couple weeks I will get the opportunity to discern what those things are. God is good and I know all that He is leading me through right now is preparing me for the challenges on the Race, but as a human I am learning to walk in those ways and be thankful for where God has me at this moment.
