It’s currently 1:45 AM here in Tirana, Albania and I’m lying in bed crying. Why?
Because I miss my family.
It’s only been a week and a half and I’m already homesick…
This past week and a half I’ve been living with girls I’ve known essentially for 25 days and it has not been easy for me. Whenever I meet someone new I can be pretty shy. I never want to come on too strongly and I find myself doing the same here. Tonight I shared with my team that I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly on guard. And that, my friends is very draining…I am exhausted trying to keep face and I miss being able to relax and be myself. I miss not having to walk on eggshells out of fear of upsetting someone. I miss feeling comfortable enough to dance around or tell my sarcastic jokes without the fear of judgment.
I am struggling with this concept of close community. It is definitely easier said than done. Alone time is next to nil and I have nowhere to escape. In the past, whenever I would feel this way, I would go to my family. But that was when they were 5 minutes across town. Now they’re across the world with a 9 hour time difference. I miss being able to talk to my sisters about life. I miss teasing my mom. I miss watching tv and laughing with my dad. I even miss my brother’s obnoxiously tight hugs. (And I actually just missed his birthday a few days ago…so happy birthday big bro!)
So far, this has been the most difficult part for me. While I have been loving Albania and getting to know the youth in the neighborhood (I can’t wait to share more about our ministry in later posts), being away from everything I have ever known and loved has been harder on me than I thought.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought how easy it would be to leave and fly home and pick up life right where I left off, but God doesn’t call us to do easy. He pulls us out of our comfort zones, and I mean sometimes “by the ankle” drags us. Why?
Because we are called to serve Him.
We are called to follow Him and bring Him glory. This may mean leaving all we know. It may mean leaving a job, leaving family, or leaving a country with clean drinking water, and it can be scary. But what has been bringing me some courage is knowing that He does not let us do it alone.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
We have been commanded to be strong and courageous. God doesn’t say following Him is going to be easy, but He does tell us not to be afraid because He is with us. What a comfort it is knowing that the God of the universe is with us wherever we go! What can’t be conquered or overcome with Him at our backs? Absolutely nothing! Even homesickness isn’t too big! What an amazing reminder to not worry and trust in Our Father’s goodness. Even as I write this, God has brought a peace over me (albeit through the tears), but I am still in need of some prayers and encouragement.
I ask that you, my prayer warriors, to pray for my team and me. We are all going through our own hardships right now and I ask for prayers for peace and comfort. For strength and courage.
To everyone back home, know that I dearly miss and love you. You’re all in my heart and I will see you all soon.
Love, Caitlin
