Finding freedom miles away from home in France. Freedom is the vision to see the way God looks at life with out the rose colored glasses. Definitely in a manner that has wisdom and faith to follow through with seeing a situation Stepping out among the people and letting yourself be the authentic self. Heart being set free. Something I’ve always wanted but held myself back to the point of creating a self that is acceptable to others, to the world. To truly have obedience and communicate with the Holy Spirit and finding complete comfort and rest. Knowing that you have peace and trust in the people you surround yourself with because they too have been through difficult situations, yet they still listen to you and continue to treat you the same. Freedom is walking in vulnerability and humility with God and pushing past the chaos that comes with that. Emotional state of being real to self and God with out a hidden tear, smile or heartache. Heart open to the Holy Spirit when it is softened to the point it might be broken for a period of time and letting the God gather the pieces. Healing and restoration in giving all the glory to God because of redemption. Being free you see, is being fulfilled in who you truly are with Jesus Christ being the center. Getting away from comforts of being a person who has a past but setting limits on how much of that story is told. Finding out what freedom looks like now because of obedience in what God wanted and not what Brittani wanted. His eyes, heart, and presence. He is the desire of my heart.
Before I came on the race, I sat in a room for hours at a time (my dad can tell you) I studied the Word. I watched many youtube video about theology, Christianity and Muslims. I made flash cards that had scriptures and facts written on them. I would choose five of them and study and try so hard to memorize the information. In fact, I would cry because it was difficult for me at times. I felt many times I was not smart enough or in good graces with God, that is the reason I couldn’t hold onto information. I am just being honest. During this time, there were also amazing moments with God. I learned more about His character than ever before and studying the Word is and will be an encouragement and motivation for me. I don’t regret these moments in my relationship and walk with God, I cherish it. It was the way I looked at myself that hindered me. I am doing this because… and my because was not a good reason. My because was I wanted to be smarter, have the worldly wisdom and I wanted to be able to quote scripture on the spot because it would make me look like a “better Christian”. I wanted to be able to say the right thing at the right time and know where to locate every little thing when someone brought it up. I wanted to do this because it would make ME some how smarter than the next, better than the next and look good doing it. I want to emphasize the word “I”. It was about me, not about the Holy Spirit working through me.
This is what it looks like to have FREEDOM in your life.
So Funny because each day I am on the race, I think God shows me through scripture that I don’t have to be the smartest and all though I want to be the one with the most wisdom it isn’t seeking out that “kind” of wisdom that will get me to where God wants me. Its seeking out the Spirits wisdom and that comes with faith and Obedience. #freedom. (BTW as I am writing this, I am listening to YouTube spontaneous worship and this guy gets up and says, “I feel like there needs to be some freedom released specifically for women”, CRAZY. OK moving lol). In Galatians 2:6 Paul is sharing with some people who heard Him speak but right after some others came and tried to tell them he is lying. They started to tell of what they knew and not the Truth of God. So Paul says, they make no difference to me because it didn’t change the truth of God. They can say whatever they want. To sum up the rest he says, This is why I don’t want the spirit of men but I want the spirit of God. God does not evaluate the external, He sees the heart, the inner person and his favor rest on those who’s hearts truly turn toward him in love faith and purity. His principle is simply put “I accept men from EVERY nation who fear him and do what is right!” Acts 10:35.
It doesn’t matter the background you come from. It doesn’t matter how rich or poor, how educated or uneducated. It doesn’t matter how much worldly wisdom you have or how many countries and places you know or have been to. You can be used by God. Spread the truth. No one is any better than the other. Seek out the Spirit’s wisdom.
Since I have been in France, God has used not my knowledge but the Spirit’s knowledge that is inside my heart. I pray continuously that it be a dwelling place for the king of king’s to reside. There was one time that I needed to show a scripture that revealed God as the Father, Son and the holy Spirit. I literally took my Bible and flipped it open. Y’all it fell to a scripture I had not even looked at it in this context before. It was PERFECT! Holy Spirit dwells in our inner being, it isn’t out knowledge, its the spirit.
For so long I fed myself lies, thought I could not be someone “special” to be able to be used by God. The view I held over my self sealed me shut. I was trapped in the perception on who I was in the eyes of men and not of God. More so the shame I held over myself.
These past two weeks have been intense. The things I’ve seen and the people I have encountered have been near impossible for me to have ever dreamed up in my head.
This is Mohammed, the baby I was talking about in one of my earlier blogs
Random lady on the train that I was making silly faces too… she FINALLY started laughing!
Love changes everything. God’s love doesn’t hide. He isn’t a father that takes things away from us. He is the real thing and gives us his whole heart holding nothing back from us. He is not hateful or rude. He does not punish me because of the things I have done. These are the things that society had placed on us, placed on me. Jesus took that upon himself on the cross. I beg of you please understand there is grace and mercy but it’s not to be over used. I over used it. I was convicted of multiple things in my life that held me back because I continued to do those things over and over. God gives us hope, he is my hope and my confidant. I want you all to know, he knows our hearts. He sees you and me. There are no strings attached when he gives you His heart. For so long I was trying to make strings by trying to earn his love and work for it. There is nothing I could do to earn more of His love or for him to love me more than a person who lives in sin. He loved you before you were even born and before you were formed. He gives you true purity and thoughts to be spoken over yourself. Society gives you a false and distorted concept of how our thoughts are to be spoken over ourselves, shoot they speak it over us as too.
My heart has been broken for so long that the pieces have been lost, at least I though they were. This caused me to speak negative thoughts subconsciously over me in return I started to believe this hateful world. It felt like the devil stole every littler piece of me and I would never recover. I covered up things in my life with the things I still had left, laugher and personality to be able to speak to people. Not acknowledging emotion that so clearly wanted to come out. Pushing back any bit of emotional freedom that was there. It goes back so far that I can’t even began to tell you. In this restoration process, God is coming for me and he’s not backing down. I sit and cry and that’s ok.
His name is Jesus and He came to free you and me. SPEAK FREEDOM TODAY.
I love you all.
