Since leaving for the race my idea of homesickness has evolved. I realized that there is a difference between missing home and being homesick.
Of course I miss home, but am I longing for home – no.
The first few months the new-ness was exciting and I embraced it with open arms.
You need me to put my toilet paper in the trash? Sure.
You want me to take off my shoes before I enter your house? Where am I – Thailand or Iowa?
You want me to pack all of my belongings for 9 months into a 60L backpack? Sounds like a fun challenge.
I have to sleep in a crowded 15×20 room with six other women? No problem.
As the months went on it became like normal life. I never gave a second thought to the fact that I hadn’t seen a hand towel in 6 months, I would just flap my hands around until they were dry…or wipe them on a t-shirt.
No toilet paper? No problem, I have 187 baby wipes in my back pack.
Clothing won’t dry because it keeps raining? That’s okay, I can wear the same outfit for three days.
No one within 100 miles speaks my language? Cool, I guess this is my chance to become bilingual.
I have to walk 45 minutes into the next town over in order to get an internet connection? I’ll get lots of reading done! #offthegrid
Since arriving in Albania I’ve slowly felt the homesickness creep in. I’ve been immersed in almost seven months of new food, new culture, new language, new people – heck, new toilets.
I hit a wall a few weeks back where I began to really just despise the new-ness of it all.
Oh you want me to try this traditional food? I’ll do it with a smile on my face, but I would much rather be eating Chipotle.
I have to go four months without a real bed? I’ll survive, but all I want is to sleep on more than a half inch of foam.
All I wanted was the comfort of home. The familiar food, faces, smells, bathroom, and beds. Ministry was great and all, but the longing of my heart was focused on the comforts I missed from home.
The homesickness has been lingering, some days better than others. For me personally missing home is natural, but when my heart longs for home over everything else it becomes a distraction from what God sent my team and I here to do.
So tonight I sat here on my bunk, in our tiny little room reading your notes. That might seem counter productive – I know most people would probably tell you to avoid thinking or reading about home, but tonight it was exactly what I needed.
I laughed at some and cried at others. A few made me laugh and the rest made me feel extremely encouraged. Most of them (I didn’t have room for all 100, the rest are right next to me on my shelf 🙂 are now posted right by my bunk as a daily encouragement and reminder to focus on where I am at.
I know your smiles, hugs, delicious food, and clean bathrooms will still be waiting for me when I am home in 3 months. So as much as I might miss all of those things, I am ready to finish thing thing well. There‘s happy moments, funny moments, and hard moments in the months to come, but I am beyond thankful to have to opportunity to walk through them with all of you by my side (or headboard if you’re being particular.)
Thank you for the few minutes you took to write to me. I cannot wait to see and hug you all when I get home! Thank you for the prayers and encouragement, I am so content and thankful for where Im at and am soaking in every second – the good, the bad, the smelly, the beautiful, and the ugly.
From my cozy little top bunk,
Bree
