I don’t want to write a blog.
I don’t really know what it is. I’m just really struggling to find words to even describe how I’m feeling.
We are currently in the middle of month 8 and I don’t know how I feel about it.
Not a single bone in my body wants to be this close to the end of the race.
I’m currently living in this safe little bubble called the World Race.
It doesn’t seem like it should be safe though and it certainly doesn’t seem like it should be comfortable.
I think I’ve started finding comfort in the uncomfortable though.
I have found joy in knowing that every month my life essentially starts over.
Everything starts fresh.
New home, new ministry, new schedule, new goals.
If you don’t like something, it’s okay because it all has an end date and then you start all over again.
I honestly haven’t done much of what I don’t like to do though..I think instead I’ve learned new things that I don’t mind doing.
I’ve learned that I generally am pretty satisfied with anything the Lord gives to me.
So why the heck am I so afraid of the future?
Because I never think that what’s next is going to be better than where I am currently. I always think it can’t get any better.
It often is though, not always but usually it is.
Honestly I should realize how lucky I am because I really do truly love what I do.
How many people can say that?
What happens when your dream is only 11 months long though?
What happens when you have to say goodbye to the people that you’ve spent every day with for the past 8 month? What happens when you don’t just automatically have people to hang out with or to go do things with? What happens when you’re no longer surrounded by people that will drop everything to pray with you? What happens when you’re not surrounded by people that will support you on your worst days and push you to be a better version of yourself through it all?
What happens then?
I think it’s mainly hard though because I know that really the only thing I can do is to pray about my future and to continue to remind myself to stay present in where I am. I know that time will move way faster than I want it to.
My heart knows that 100% but my head wants to plan. My head wants to dream.
For now though I guess I’ll just have to continue to step into the daily battle between my head & my heart.
This month all the women in my squad are living and working together in what we call “womanistry” month.
All 15 of us are working with the YWAM base here in Penang doing a multitude of things.
Monday, Wednesday & Fridays we get to help out at the Kawan Center which is a homeless shelter. At the Kawan Center we get to hang out with the locals that come for breakfast & lunch, we get to help cook the meals we serve & we get to help our host pack up and clean as they prepare to move to a new building.
*Prayer request: Our host is still waiting to hear back about the new building for the Kawan Center and they have to be out of their current building by the end of June so prayers that a new space would be provided would be much appreciated!
Tuesday mornings, we get to participate in worship & intercession with all of the YWAM staff in the area.
Tuesday & Friday nights, we get to head over to Penang International House of prayer for some good ol’ worship and intercession.
Saturdays are for church at the Kawan Center and secretly I love getting to participate in the worship even though none of it is in English. LOL
It’s been such a blessing being on the island of Penang this month because all of my rest days are spent on the beach and if you know me at all, you know how happy that makes me.
It really is a beautiful island but it sure gets hot!
Thanks for taking the time to read about all of the thoughts going on in my head as they exploded all over this page.
Grace & peace,
Bran
