Man. We’re halfway through the race. I can’t even believe it…but I can feel it.
It sounds strange to say because I don’t actually want the race to be over but I have never wanted to be home more than I have this month.
Like I said, I don’t actually want the race to be over and I don’t actually want to have to figure out what’s next in my life.
I thinks it’s more the point that I miss things.
I miss my job…or maybe I just miss having an income.
I miss my car…or maybe I just miss driving.
I miss being able to eat what I wanted…or maybe I’m just really tired of fried rice for every meal.
I miss my family and friends…or maybe I just feel a little less relevant in their lives.
I miss having my own room…or maybe I’m just hitting a point of being tired of living out of a backpack.
I really don’t know what it is because some days I absolutely love it and I don’t ever want to end the race. Right now though, I’m struggling.
I hate that my life can be portrayed as a certain way on social media but in reality, it’s not all glitz & glam.
Today I ate fried rice for lunch & dinner…for the 14th day in a row.
Today I scrubbed the walls of the guesthouse we’re working at for 5 hours and hardly saw any change.
Today I woke up in the same outfit I wore yesterday and proceeded to wear it the rest of the day.
Sometimes we reach for the soap and there is a cockroach sitting there.
Sometimes our meals are really at the mercy of other people so we have no clue when our next meal will be.
Sometimes we have to take our own toilet paper to the bathroom.
Sometimes we have to handwash our underwear while kids are standing over our bucket staring at them.
You see, it’s not all glitz & glam. Often times it’s not glamouras at all. Usually I love it but sometimes I also just want to call it quits and live the life that once seemed too normal back at home.
I really want to end this on a positive note but more than that I just really wanted to be real with you.
