Dear Apathy,
For a few weeks I was in denial that you showed up again, but unfortunately denial doesn’t make you go away—in fact, it just gives you more room to grow unnoticed until you affect every aspect of my life.
Ever since I got to my ministry city, Khon Kaen, Thailand, I was saying it felt like home. At first I thought this was a good thing; however, I now realize this isn’t a good thing—it feels like home because you followed me here.
You’re sneaky because during the day—during “ministry”—you seem to disappear and I love what I am doing for the Kingdom; however, without fail, you come back in the evening and just settle right back in where you left off.
So how do I get rid of you?
Honestly, I’m not sure.
I’ve always gone along the lines of sucking it up and faking it until I make it—i.e. just keep pushing through until whatever is wrong goes away, but I just have a suspicion that if I don’t nip you in the bud, you won’t go away.
So, again, how do I do that? I don’t know. Obviously prayer and taking you to God and leaving you at His feet. But dang… if I’m being honest, you make it hard some days to even bring myself to pray. But I guess that is where I just need to “suck it up” and do it anyway.
Lord, please help me—I don’t even have the desire to write this blog. Truth be told, the only reason that I am actually typing words, rather than staring at my computer screen, is because it’s “crunch time”—I have 1.5 hours left before it is no longer Friday (blog posts are due on Fridays)—and the student in me kicked in and decided I have to at least post something, regardless of how I feel about it; similar to some of those last minute homework assignments I used to produce in a stress, and sleep-deprivation, induced panic.
So what is the point of this letter? I’m not sure. I haven’t overcome you, apathy. In fact, many times you seem to be winning the battle. But hey, you no longer are living here without my knowledge, and I guess that it good because awareness is the first step towards change, right? Right.
Sincerely,
Bethany
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9
