HELP!!!!!
As I just stated in my last post, “even for the girl who people joke is crazy and fearless, something as large as the World Race is utterly terrifying.” And while this is true, I feel it is slightly misleading. You see, I am not scared of the actual traveling or even being away from home for eleven months. No, instead, I am unbelievable, stop-dead-in-your-tracks, terrified of the pre-launch fiasco. Henceforth, SOS I have an FOF!
FOF–Fear of Fundraising.
Yes, you read that right; out of everything that I could have possibly been afraid of, who would have thought it would be the fundraising?
This post will be short because I know, in a sense, I am just procrastinating even further form finishing my personalized fundraising letters (which I told my mom the first would be fully complete by yesterday morning… oops). However, I am using this blog and its public visibility as a form of accountability as well as support, in order to push myself along in the process.
For as long as I can remember, i have hated asking others for help–I have always been a person who tries to carry the burden alone so others don’t have to handle it. And while it may be noble, it is unpractical and leads to a very secluded and lonely life. Truth be told, breaking my foot and ankle a year and a half ago was one of the best things that had happened to me. Hobbling around on crutches and a walking boot for a couple of months was a huge reality check for me to realize that I can’t do it all, and that THAT WAS OKAY. Funny enough, the way I learned this lesson was by needing help carrying a plate of food.
Guys, what you don’t understand was that this all occurred one month after my sister left for the World Race herself, meaning that I was living by myself and was virtually immobile without many friends who I interacted with on a day-to-day basis. My eventual hunger pains led me to reaching past my fears and my imaginary comfort zone, wherein I was able to handle everything life threw at me, and led me to ask for help with a task as simple as carrying food. As corny as it sounds, this was a huge milestone for me, which I am still working on going further.
Yet, here I am, armed with the knowledge and personal proof that it is okay to ask for help, and I freeze. What am I supposed to do?
Well, to answer my own question, this is the point where I have to give it all up to God. I have procrastinated long enough, denying that the root cause of the procrastination is my fear, rather than just the never-ending due dates that go along with engineering school. So, as Carrie Underwood put it, “Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands; cause I can’t do this on my own. I’m letting go, so give me one more chance–save me from this road I’m on. Jesus take the wheel.”
So Lord, You and only You know the true intentions of my heart and know the extent of my fears (which I have only begun to touch regarding fundraising in this blog), for You are all-knowing and omnipotent. As David wrote in Psalm 34, “I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears,” I pray for deliverance from my fears–my fear of fundraising as well as the fear of letting other people in to help. Lord, I am rebuking this spirit of fear such that it will no longer hold me in bondage. Not only that, but I am speaking out that this fear will turn into a joy–so much that I will go into these fundraising meetings with confidence, knowing that You are by my side and I am working towards Your glory and that everyone I encounter will know of the transformation that has occurred in my life through a confidence that can only come from the power of Christ. In Your most precious of names, Amen.
It looks like I have no more excuses to not finish my fundraising letters… Oh boy… Again, prayers of support and encouragement are ALWAYS welcome and if anyone feels led to donate to my trip, please don’t hesitate, the link to donate is on the blog site above 🙂
Fun Fact: SOS was chosen as the universal signal of distress not because the letters stand for a particular abbreviation, but rather for its Morse code pattern of dot:dot:dot, dash:dash:dash, dot:dot:dot.
