Today was a day of growth for me, it was also a day to recognize the areas in my life which I have been avoiding and draw them out in the light. Since the day of the crash, I have been unable to write and or express the trauma my team and I had gone through. I have been turned off towards reliving the incident and pushing through the hardship of processing my grief because I was at fear with what my eyes had seen. I have learned in the two weeks that have passed since the accident that my bodies way of processing with so much death was basically to ignore it, and so I did. That is until today.
Adventures in Missions, the organization in which I am traveling with has given me an avenue into healing that which I am very grateful for. They provided us this weekend with a group counseling session at an Institute for Christian Counseling here in India, called Person to Person. There we were able to openly talk about the accident in a safe and very peaceful environment. Only two weeks later and this is where I am at.
I recognize the anger that I had burdening myself with by the reality that help was not coming, that 20 young adults were on their own to medically care for 6 people fighting for there lives, in the midst of seeing 8 bodies around them.
My active role in the response to the accident was to call any and all help that I could, emergency hotlines, embassies and even local hospitals. I looked for medical assistance from professionals in desperation because I knew that the first aid training and supplies that we had were not enough for the injured before me.
I recognize the anger in the disrespect from the cars behind me to want to scrape of debris from the wreckage that was blocking them from carrying on their way. The ease in which they video graphed and stood by as I heard the shattered screams of those in pain. Or even the knowledge I had from having just ministered to a local hospital the past month, that the care they were to receive had they made it on the road ahead would be meager.
Altogether today was my first day to be open. I want to continue this stage of vulnerability now, to the best of my ability, with my encounter with an accident of this magnitude.
In session I was able to begin to learn coping techniques with traumatic incidences as well as reactions to them. We spoke out about the things that had been troubling us during and post accident and ways to begin down the road of recovery. I have learned from this time that the stress reactions I have been feeling after the accident are very normal and that recovery is a daily process. They gave us useful techniques to deal with all my triggers as well as teach me positive coping actions, like reaching out to others for support and practicing relaxation methods/positive activities. They also taught us how to let go of unwanted distressing memories, images or thoughts.
So here is my first step in recovery.
To end session the therapist asked us to take a piece of clay and shape it into something we saw the lord teaching us or wanted to declare over ourselves as a pray to God for the upcoming days to follow. As I sat there clay in hand, I asked God what he was doing in my life through this healing and were he wanted to bring me to. I began to shape a wave.
After we all had formed our clay into the palm of our hands we were asked to share anything that drew us to create this art/ anything that stood out to us about the shape we made. I spoke about the tidal wave of mercy that I see crashing over me and the calling over my life to dive deeper in my faith and my relationship with the father. I see the glory of God being proclaimed even in this tragedy and the love of Christ immersing me, even as pain tries to take me under.
This is a very real depiction of were I am at with the Lord, and the former trauma from the accident in Lesotho. Thank you for reading and for the support I know I have in every one of you. I appreciate the love and prayer that has been and continues to be poured out over me.
My deepest regards, Bella Iocolano
