God made known who I was before he allowed my identity to be tested.
I am writing to you faithful, joyful and triumphant because the lord has allowed me to walk with him through trial and connect to him in joint pain. I walked with the King and he showed me suffering, I felt his pain and he brought me through it. I thanked God for his Goodness and delighted in his presence. He assured me of his faithfulness and love for me.
After an encounter with verbal tribulation and misunderstanding, I was riddled with tears and broken hearted. God healed and covered me with a heavenly embrace. His spirit calmed my heart and steadied me. I was brought out pain and into a divine peace.
One of the most evident ways I have seen God at work in my life is by his fidelity in equipping me with the tools I need, even before I know I need them. “Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Hebrews 13:20-21
Today God allowed me to present my passions in photography and writing before him and my friends. In community we gathered and spoke of the amazing things God was doing in our lives. As our conversations ran dry and it was time to depart, I was fueled by great affirmed (my love language). This affirmation furthered the momentum in my hearts pursuit in missions. I now also recognize it to have captured my heart the way that God intended for it to be seen. His description so intimate to me, later was a tool to which I also heavily leaned on as truth, as my character was tested.
As I was so worked up and disheartening by the view of a complete stranger. I was humbled by a clarity like no other. I was being persecuted for my faith. I was used to people seeing me as a beautiful creation, crafted by God and designed to Glorify him. However, tonight when my spirit shone bright more deeply did I offend. I was weak with confusion. I had never seen such hate towards me, I had never seen such hate towards God. I walked in joint pain knowing that I felt nothing in gravity to God. His child’s heart was hardened.
Lowly in spirit, Gods light pierced my heart. He reminded me to Glorify him in my suffering, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
He is with me, he will not leave me or forsake me. He reminds me daily that preparing my heart for this missions trip is a process of refinement and trial; which will further my understanding of whats to come. Today I recognize God administering profound Joy in the most difficult trials in where I find my identity. But through this hardship I have learned to sing on the Battle field and dance through my tears.
Bella~
