I am now a Missionary, I know all the things // CHILE

Nearing the end of month one on the World Race. WHAT. IS. LIFE. Here I am actually doing the thing. And all of my expectations, dreams, and hopes for this whole journey have been realized…

 

I am a spiritual giant if you will, I am in perfect harmony with listening to the Holy Spirit, I’m unafraid to stand up anywhere and proclaim Jesus-say on a plane or on the street. The things I struggled with in the states are not even relevant here….what ever did I struggle with?! The people I said goodbye to…ehhh…who are they!? The dreams and hopes I left this for are no longer on my radar! We’ve healed the sick, changed lives, seen the Holy Spirit move in BIG HUGE RADICAL WAYS! And everyone here has become my best friend, because we are all here for the exact same reason-REACH THE NATIONS, LOVE ON PEOPLE, and GROW SO CRAZY MUCH THIS YEAR IN JESUS AND LISTENING TO THE HOLY SPIRIT……….

 

The above is what my little self really thought would happen the moment my feet hit Chilean soil. Like God would just snap His fingers and I’d be some “other level Christian”. Like the normal desires of my heart would just fade away and God would replace it all with ONLY whatever He has for me here, that maybe I wouldn’t even think about that person I said goodbye to, that I’d have total and complete peace and never miss them, or have this crazy ache in my heart at times. That maybe He would allow me to speak in a language I never learned in order to be able share the gospel, that I would have NO FEAR about reaching out to anyone, that He would work through us at least every 30 minutes and heal someone, that everyone around us would be drawn to us and just by knowing us their lives would change for the better and they’d know Jesus. 

 

While *some* of that is totally possible(cause God can legit do whatever He wants), it’s just not how it works. You don’t just become some “super christian” because you go on a mission trip(even one as awesome as the world race lol). While I have not yet stood up in the street or on a plane and exclaimed the good news, God has helped me to be a bit more bold and when the Holy Spirit moves in my heart, I can’t help but step out and pray for that person, or read that verse in Spanish, or try to communicate through google translate, or leave that note I translated to encourage our host family. Certain things I struggled with in the states really aren’t as big a deal here, cause I just don’t have access to them, time to deal with it, etc and some are still just as real and just as much of a battle. Some things even more so, just because I’ve never been one for authority or rules, but accountability and certain standards are asked of you, and being concerned about others on the team is all a bit new to me. I’m used to doing my own thing when I want to do it, and that’s just not possible when you’re living in this kind of community or doing this kind of work. What I like to call #growingpains. We have laid hands on people and prayed for healing, and we did see one lady healed of her pain, but many we left and we’ll never know if God chose to heal them in that moment or not. Sometimes it’s not about physical healing, but about emotional or spiritual. Sometimes the people we meet just need to know someone cares and will listen. Even though the Holy Spirit is powerful and can heal and move in crazy ways, sometimes He’s gentler too.

 

And just because you say YES to what God is calling you to, doesn’t mean you’re no longer human. Just because you pack up your life and decide to live out of a backpack for a year to follow Him and love on others all over the world doesn’t mean you can’t and won’t still have other desires or that those desires aren’t okay. God knows your heart. 

 

…and this is what He whispered to mine yesterday: Daughter. It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty for still wanting those things or having moments of sadness when missing them. You keep misunderstanding me, I never said “never”. I just said “wait”. Waiting on something doesn’t mean stopping, though my children often mistake it to mean just that. I never call anyone to sit on the sidelines. And in your waiting be working, be ministering, be loving those I put in your path-all the people of all these nations you will meet and have met and this family of six I’ve given you for the year, these sisters. Don’t stop feeling or hoping. I know your heart better than even you, I made it. I am so proud of you for listening to my voice and following me out here on this journey. Look how you’re growing! Bolder, stronger, and closer to me than the day you left home. Keep going. I’m right here. Always.