In my last blog I wrote: “I believe that month 8 will be a month of refreshment…”
And good news, I wasn’t wrong. My spirit has been refreshed. But it didn’t happen overnight.
At training camp they told us that months 6-8 were the hardest because you’re at this weird point of the race where you’re past halfway, yet you still have a pretty long time to go.
Anticipation of home gets worse, things start feeling repetitive, constantly being around people gets more irritating, & maybe you mentally check out more.
Lucky for me I didn’t really experience this case of “world race fatigue” until this month (month 8)..but let me tell you, I had it bad! I was annoyed at pretty much everything. Team time, feedback, ministry, prayer, and God.
I was tired.
Tired of feeling like I was pouring out everything I had to offer, but getting nothing good in return. That’s when I realized I was resentful toward God.
This ‘resentment’ I had was a built up pile of lies and hurts that eventually exploded, and became very obvious in my attitude towards everything and everyone.
But why should my attitude be based on what I’m receiving?
What was Christ’s attitude when he was receiving spit in the face and lashes to his back? When he was suffering FOR ME.
When I gave my life to God I made a decision to relentlessly follow him through times of joy and times of sorrow. No one ever said a life following Christ would be a skip through a park, and if they did, they lied!
Suffering is promised for us, Christ follower or not.
Romans 5:3-4 says, “But we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope..”
Resentment toward God is pointless when he has us in the palm of His hand. It’s like pushing away a puppy, even if you continuously push it away its just going to come right back because it just loves you so much! (p.s. I would never push away a puppy FYI)
Yesterday I went on a beautiful hike through Vitosha Mt. right at the edge of Sofia, the city that has been called my home this month. I was finally able to get away from the noise in my head, and I took time to really talk to God.
He met me right in the midst of my irritation and showered me with grace like he always does.
He’s not phased by our sinful nature. He already suffered for our sake, and he paved our way before us so that we know we are never alone, never unsafe, and never being given more than we can handle.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear..”
He is on our side, rooting for us from the grand stands as he pours out strength and comfort on our tired bodies. What a good father we serve.
So, this is what my attitude will be.
A wise person once said,
“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude” -William James
In other news,
I’m also excited to announce that I will officially be back in the United States on August 28th & spending some time on the east coast before heading back HOME on September 1st.
There will also be another team change at the end of this month before we head to to Ethiopia!!! (SO EXCITED FOR AFRICA I CAN BARELY HOLD IT IN). But, please be praying for my squad as we all go through this transition! Thank you & God Bless!
