There’s the classic topic thrown around about the masks we wear. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Take your mask off.” At our church in Panama, pastor Danny played a video about a young girl walking the halls of her high school and everyone wore a mask. The decoration and color of their mask would change depending on the people they were with. In moments, all the masks would be exactly identical to show conformity.
The girl was special because her mask was different than the others. At one point, she stumbled into the bathroom to get to a mirror to discover her mask had cracked. There was fear on her face. The kind of fear that happens when we stare down the risk of being truly ourselves. Yet there was also bravery, beauty, and grit as she left her mask behind in the high school bathroom.
My own layers have been coaxed off of me; layers I didn’t even realize remained glued to me to hide certain parts of myself that aren’t favorable.
The first layer that is obvious is the physical. For example, before setting off around the world for 11 months, I always wore makeup when I left the house. If I wasn’t in the safety of my own home or my close family, I’d make sure to always at least have the bare minimum.
It wasn’t because I loved it. Growing up, it was ingrained that it was a necessity for me. I am a part of the percentage of people that fought, struggled, and felt ashamed about constant acne breakouts. My senior year of high school is when it took control and left deep, lasting scars.
My complexion from then on was a far stretch from Cosmopolitan magazine worthy. In my lifetime, my skin has seen numerous multi-step skin treatment packages, natural tonics, needles, Clarisonic brushes, antibiotics, and prescription creams.
Starting in Europe with strangers for month 1 and 2, I felt the urge to wear it. Looking back, it was a piece of the process of becoming vulnerable and, as silly as it sounds, a part of the process of finding more freedom. That urge to wear it needed to be questioned.
Once we hit the dry African heat, squatty potties, and major sweat downpours I chose to not put makeup on. I don’t need my appearance to be pristine and put together to be accepted. It’s not an expectation I have to abide by. In the middle of Africa, not showering for a week and wearing the same skirt and shirt for days we still loved each other hard in the rawest forms of ourselves.
It is freedom. I have only worn makeup three or four times these last 6 months. In the last 6 months, I’ve had the most confidence because I don’t have a layer I feel I need in order to iron out the flaws. It isn’t necessary. As the Race has gone on, people have asked what my skin regimen is because they want to try it. I can tell you comments like that shock and humble me. I’ve spent my whole life hearing the opposite.
The moment I stopped slathering foundation on out of this feeling of requirement was the moment I felt change in my skin and inwardly in my perception of myself. Wearing makeup is fine, of course, but not when it feels like a must instead of an option.
The second layer is the veil draped over parts of my character that didn’t want to be seen. I found out on this journey that I’ve been transparent and vulnerable to an extent but there’s more to reveal when immersed in authentic community 24/7. There’s been times I’ve wanted to escape this community I’ve been living in for 9 months. They find out you can be cranky if someone wakes you up or sharp tongued if someone says something you perceive as kinda offensive.
I quickly remembered people really are messy and become messier the more comfortable you become with each other. The polite pretenses dissolve and the honest actions and truths you’d show on a family road trip come out. In this layer being stolen, you are forced to learn to love people in their ugliness but also to love the purest truth and form of themselves.
A third layer is in my relationship with Jesus. I’ve personally never thought in the last few years that I was creating a fake relationship with Him. Rather, through our real connection, He has challenged me. He has pushed me in areas like the first two mentioned layers but also in removing certain expectations and promises that He never uttered. Or to cast away my fear and be obedient to Him because He is trustworthy. Jesus is the one that will reveal to you what layers need to be questioned and possibly disposed of.
My challenge to you in this is to consider what you could take off. What is there to take off that could bring you freedom and bring you closer to the Lord? To be the most of who He made you to be. It’s a vulnerable, uncomfortable, and intentional process but it’s worth it to look at yourself and see if you’ve placed any falsehoods on yourself. It’s worth it to see if you’re hiding for any reason – to please, fit in, look perfect, or not appear weak.
