I couldn’t sleep. All I could think was,
“Is this where I thought I would be after 8 months? Are these the stories I thought I would now carry?”
Before leaving home, I had a solid idea of what the next 11 months would look like. For years, I read stories of people on the international mission field especially those in the same program as me. I read about how changed they felt because it’s an impossible side effect when participating in ministry around the world. I’ve read about experiences that sounded wild, bold, and beautiful.
A revival happening in the streets.
A woman having miraculous healing after people prayed.
Many accepting Christ and being baptized at once.
Honestly, without realizing it, I expected an amazing story every day. I was traveling the world with the Holy Spirit dwelling in me and Jesus guiding me by the hand. Why would I not?
Currently, I don’t have a story for today.
There’s a lot of days I don’t have a story to tell except that a new latitude and longitude doesn’t change you. It doesn’t make you closer to Christ than when you were at home. It doesn’t automatically breathe life into you. You don’t suddenly pray fervently or feel on fire for Jesus every hour. Ministry sometimes isn’t catered to you on a platter; oftentimes you’re nudged to be obedient and it’s up to you if you’re going to buy in.
It’s your choices and your obedience that will change you.
You know what’s funny that I preached but didn’t understand until partnering with Christ-following people around the world? If you or I don’t press into our current community and also don’t seek the Lord’s face where we stand than neither of us will grow.
A new country doesn’t mean suddenly it’s easier to have a close relationship with God or speak to people about Christ. It’s actually harder at times because of language barriers, cultural uncertainties, and constant transition and adjustment. Living in a tent in Nicaragua or an apartment in Malaysia for the purpose of ministry doesn’t mean you will want to read your Bible more.
As I was panicking late at night, I didn’t think it was okay. I thought I missed out because I didn’t experience specific things other people that have done international missions and the World Race did experience at this point of their journey. But international missions and the World Race are not a menu you can pick from. It’s not a “I want a miracle to happen on Tuesday and 5 people to know Jesus on Friday.” That’s not how it goes.
God will work individually, uniquely, and untamed wherever you go. He is unpredictable. The small things where you can’t see the fruit of your labors or the radical happenings and events that you get to witness are all significant to Him. If you want to be a part of something amazing He is doing, it requires you not dodging the uncomfortable but instead pressing in. This is the same for America or internationally.
I’ve grown the most in saying yes to Him and the opportunities placed before me so far these last 8 months. That was the phrase one of my mentors engraved on a key necklace for me specifically before I left that said “Yes, Lord”. As I stared at the ceiling not able to sleep while my friends snoozed, He reminded me that I DO have treasured stories and experiences. Some I expected and some I didn’t. I have a special montage reel in my heart and mind of each month of who I met, how God showed up, and what events happened.
Sweethearts Merriam and Arati in Thailand
I wouldn’t change anything about these last months except being obedient even more.
I expected to be radically different but I’m still me with certain struggles, hurts, and temptations. That’s reassuring and disappointing at the same time. I’ve had experiences though that have etched change on my heart. But those experiences don’t suddenly make me a Christian superhero.
I read a blog titled “Why the World Race cannot save you” written by a World Race alumni Nathan Johnston and it added more reflection on my thoughts skating in the air in the middle of the night. He said,
“I love watching participants of the World Race come to the same dawning realization I had after being on the field for over a year; namely that no amount of ministry can fix you. That serving others isn’t ultimately the answer, and that you can run all around the world bagging countries and taking selfies with orphans and in the end still remain empty and unfulfilled.”
It’s not even about me. Serving others doesn’t replace the satisfaction only Jesus can bring. I re-learn this so often that nothing can replace purely a relationship with Christ; sitting in His presence and listening to His voice. That’s it. Him. If all I did while I was gone for 11 months was be obedient to what He asked no matter how glamorous it sounded, I’d be satisfied. I should be satisfied anyway.
We as short-term and long-term international missionaries as well as those back home in local ministry should not value our personal growth and desire that more than our focus on the local community we are serving. As Jennifer Hatmaker said best, “Personal growth will be a residual effect, but it should be a secondary benefit to those reaped by the local community.”
I constantly have to maintain my expectations and question my desires for the glamourous to be my reality. Beautiful, impossible, and wild experiences have occurred because of God. They’ve happened to me because there are moments I didn’t shy away or my teammates didn’t retreat in fear of discomfort.
For you, it’s similar to me. I’m not extra holy because I’m traveling the world sharing about Christ and loving people of different cultures. Jesus is the only satisfaction and fulfillment. It’s not just you that should reap benefits and growth when serving in the Kingdom. And you and I both need to keep our expectations in check because God is unpredictable and can do anything in the timespan of a breath. This is true whether you’re halfway across the globe from your home or reclining on your sofa chair in your living room.
