They were staring at me.
What did I get myself into? I can’t do this.
Upon arriving to Madisi, Malawi my teammate Chelsea and I were told we may be tutoring biology and math to the high school students since we each have respective bachelor’s degrees in those areas. Internally, I cringed because the last biology class I was a student in was years ago. The month continued for a couple weeks and there (thankfully) wasn’t any mention of the tutoring plan anymore.
I was relieved and obviously didn’t bring it to the Rise Malawi co-director’s attention that she forgot about tutoring or basically the part where I’d flounder and embarrass myself trying to teach in a foreign country to high schoolers.
As the second week came to a close, the school staff and the co-director revealed they certainly didn’t forget. So there I ended up, standing with a piece of chalk in my hand and 21 Malawian high school students waiting for me to share something profound and educated to them.
I don’t know if I can do this for the rest of the month.
To start, I introduced myself to them and awkwardly smiled. I scribbled ‘Mitosis’ on the blackboard as chalk I haven’t used in 10 years squeaked with each stroke. The students watched me from wooden desks as a breeze from a window dried the bead of sweat tumbling down my temple.
Glancing at my notes, I started talking about the cell division that happens in all body cells. A blessing was they knew english and kind of sort of knew what I was saying. I soon realized the terrifying thought of me teaching in a foreign country was actually happening. I wasn’t sitting at tables tutoring but was full on preparing and teaching high school biology lessons.
The next day it was meiosis talking about cell division that basically is a part of us being us – brown skin, chocolate eyes, blonde hair. I ended up completing the month with 5 biology topics covered with the students. Technically, these 21 kids were on their holiday break but they valued education and learning that most students wanted to show up during their days away from school.
After each lesson I taught, I was coated in white dust but I was also covered in amazement as I sat down to watch my teammate teach wonderfully about circle geometry and all different math subjects. Bless her heart, right?
I was stunned for two reasons.
One, that I was doing and even enjoying what I thought I couldn’t possibly do two weeks ago.
Two, that a few of the students had an infectious eagerness to learn as much as they could. When they answered my questions, a small celebration danced inside me every time.
I thought there was no way that I could teach let alone teach in a way that encouraged the students to come back. A few people told us how thankful they were for us being there and how many positive testimonies they heard from those students that showed up for tutoring or, in other words, us teaching lessons.
I felt proud instead of defeated. I limit myself in my mind at times because I’ve declared myself incapable or terrible without taking the risk and trying.
You are more than your limits.
This isn’t a motivational sports commercial or a cheesy, naive inspiration to you but the realistic truth. I know this because I experienced this month the demolishing of the restrictions I put on myself as well as restrictions on how God made me.
That thing you want to try but are terrified of failing at, the class you want to take but are scared you won’t be good at, the person you want to ask on a date but are too afraid will say no, the small moments asking you for boldness but you’re too anxious to step up out of fear it won’t make a difference or that you’ll be judged harshly, take the risk. I want to be a woman that continues to take a risk for the Lord in His beautiful, wild Kingdom.
Instead of not trying because you’re too afraid to fall on your face and fail, choose to risk it. There’s unexpected magic possible in those moments.
As we ended the tutoring sessions, I felt nudged by the Lord to stand up and tell why we were even teaching in the first place: Because we met Jesus a while back in our lives, love Christ, and desire to serve them out of our relationship with Him. I prayed over them as students as my last words and I felt peace as I looked at the students with the names I came to know realizing I took a risk and this time it was worth it.
