They were the color of cinnamon.
As my teammates and I huddled our chairs in a circle, his demeanor caught my attention the quickest out of the guys. It didn’t feel like I smacked into a defensive wall that I was prepared to chink away at like with the other 8 males squished in our circle.
His posture was relaxed but not one that expressed that he was above anyone else. It felt like he was curious but maybe he was indifferent while still listening to what we were saying. Now that I think about it, his cinnamon eyes never strayed from our faces as he listened and his eyes drew me in simply because of their warmth.
A week ago, our ministry host extended the opportunity to us to visit the prison in Craiova, Romania. Monday is considered our “free day” or “day of rest” so it wasn’t anything any of us were expecting to have as an opportunity. A handful of us jumped at the chance with only the knowledge that this was a prison for youth ages 14-25.
Driving in the van to Craiova, the rain played its music on the roof while each of us slowly and quietly settled ourselves into the early morning. I silently prayed for what the Lord had for us at the prison and that we would be bold in whatever He wanted us to say or do and to stare down fear in a place brimming with people able to instill fear. As I prayed, I thought of Galatians 5 and flipped to the chapter.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1
When we arrived, I knew due to the high security of us getting in that there was deep offenses from the past waiting for us behind closed doors. When I saw the prisoners, they all looked like high schoolers and in clothes adolescents typically wear. They appeared so young and like kids.
After three of us – Mack, Kenadi, and Michelle – shared stories that would most resonate with the youth we separated into smaller groups. I soon was looking at 9 boys up close. We asked them a few questions about themselves – their name, age, and what they wished for.
One guy in his twenties shared that he wanted to change and he wanted to become a better man. Another wished he could go back to be with his family. Lastly, the one with cinnamon eyes said that he didn’t want to do any of the terrible things he had done in his past anymore. I thought of Galatians 5 again.
I nodded, trying desperately to read his expression. Was it pain? Was it remorse? Was it calm? Was it blank?
Our translator soon exchanged more words with him and she relayed the info that he was here for another 12 years because he killed someone.
The boy with the warm, cinnamon eyes was a murderer.
When our translator shared this, it almost seemed untrue to me at first. He looked normal. He didn’t feel threatening. I realized how my perspective of a killer has been warped by the news, television shows, and stereotypes.
I contained my reaction because he was watching us. I was not there to condemn, I was there to proclaim freedom. I was not there to display disgust but to offer the radical, unfathomable love of Christ.
After my teammate Kelsey finished facilitating questions and Janele shared parts of her testimony, I was to share the gospel. Those words still burned in my mind though: Murderer. Killer. Galatians 5 popped in my thoughts again.
I honestly cannot remember the exact words I said but I will attempt to recount the gist of them,
“I want to tell you a verse from a book from the Bible called Galatians. ‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.’ Before God sent His Son Jesus Christ, he knew how bound to sin us along with humanity were and were going to continue to be. In God’s love for us, He sent Christ to cover us and our sin with His own blood when He went to the cross. By this, we are set free and we are able to reconcile with God. Jesus bridged the separation so we can have a relationship with God. If we surrender and admit to our sins to God and believe in Christ, we can be saved. And from that choice, we continue to live for Him. We continue to be compelled by and act out of the love He has for us and the love that He set in our hearts.”
Jesus was sent by God for the murderer. His last breath was taken on the cross for every person placed here on earth.
As we drove home, imagined images flashed in my mind of this warm, cinnamon-eyed boy with blood on his hands and a knarled emotion in his heart during the moments he killed. Another image followed of a grieving family left behind in brokenness because this boy took the life of their loved one. But even seeing these, I still wanted him to know he was loved because the Lord cares for him and still desires for him to leave the darkness for His light. I will never understand the regret and pain this boy now carries with him.
I still have a stirring pit of emotions churning in my stomach because I do not want to have compassion for him.
I only want to hate him for what he did.
But I can’t.
If there’s anything for you to take with you from this blog, it’s that Christ sees no one as hopeless. It is said that the Lord promises a day of judgment and that He upholds justice but we are not the ones to decide who is worthy of Christ’s redemption. We don’t choose based on ‘goodness’ who receives the gospel and can be transformed by Christ. Jesus was a man that also pursued the change of heart of the extremely wicked and to abolish the slavery to their sins.
‘One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” – Luke 23:39-43
I pray the cinnamon-eyed boy is the other criminal. I pray that he will no longer be bound by a yoke of slavery. I pray he is set free from his own prison and captivity by the gentle hands of Christ.
