I really don’t know where to start this post but I’m just gonna throw it at you for the most part
The last two months, have been some of the most difficult to walk through, not because ministry was difficult or that my team mates had something to do with it. It’s primarily because of my misplaced trust with the Lord and where He has me.
YIKES!
Yeah I know what you might think when you hear that, it hurts me also, to think that when I am in control I’m not putting my trust in the Lord.
If I’m honest it’s been a series of different breakdowns that have drawn me to this place, all good things but things that shouldn’t have needed to happen if I knew then what I know now, that I can find a deeper root system and trust in the Lord
“My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation. Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil.” – Proverbs 3:1-7
At the start of the year the Lord revealed to me that there was a season of unknown coming, a time in which I had to seek Him out, going before people to pioneer a new way to Him. Actually realising that I am in the place of pioneering a new way in our relationship, to find deeper strength, a deeper heart connection, a foundational place of trust has been really painful. One of the reasons is because I’ve been doing that, not with my community or with the Lord but by myself.
I promise you this though the Lord has been so loving and kind to me in this process. While His words have been “you have misplaced trust because of your past” “When you don’t trust what I’m doing, you are in control”, He is showing me why walks like these are beautiful.
Now the deep things of my heart are now exposed. The trust and intimacy that comes is ultimately linked with me surrendering all. That trust is developed when I don’t know what’s going to happen and it’s developed at a deeper level than where I was willing to go to.
Today and everyday I have to choose YES to this, everyday I have to invite my community in to my heart whether I verbalised it or not. Everyday waking up and saying to the Lord
I. SURRENDER. ALL
The one beautiful thing I am learning more about my Father is that, that Grace, that unmerited favour He freely gives, He is and has been giving that to me in abundance, where as I on the other hand tear myself apart.
There are things coming in the sweet and extravagant plan of the Lord, do I know what that is…NOPE, but I’m learning everyday that it is well with my soul, as i relinquish control of the past, present and future and give it to the Lord.
Please continue to pray for me in these next few months, whatever you feel is on your heart from the Lord to pray for me, I know I am super blessed by your words of encouragement.
Also I do want to apologise for my lack of posting and keeping you updated. I’m sorry that I haven’t reached out more recently and to you my subscribers and monthly supporters I feel I owe this to you, for your support both spiritually and financially has been such a huge blessing, I want to say thank you again for doing what you do in helping me along in this journey.
Blessings
Ash
