Our squad just finished up our debrief in Baku, Azerbaijan. The city was absolutely beautiful. The first day we were there we just stared in awe at all of the ornate buildings and at all of the delicious gelato stands. The city has an Old Town and a waterfront, and three big flame-shaped towers. It also has a natural, constantly burning fire on the side of the mountain. It looked really cool in the pictures. I invited a few friends to go with me one day. We took a taxi which took about 40 minutes. We paid $1.50 to get in, to discover the flame was only a few feet wide and not more than a couple feet tall. I felt a little bad for dragging my friends all the way out there. But we all laughed about it, took a bunch of pictures, and made the most of it. At the top of the hill there was a good view of the city and my friend Fei got to ride a horse for free!
Debrief itself was busy, but good. Here are a few mini-blogs of the things I learned:
What are You Carrying?
It’s getting near the end of the Race and the Camino is coming up. I want my pack to be as light as possible. During debrief I inspected every item in my bag, looking for things I could place on the free table. Since I don’t have much to begin with, this meant putting down more than just trash, but some actually nice items, like a pair of jeans that were in good condition, but I never wore them. I also placed down a skirt, because I had two.
One night during worship, I felt God ask me, what am I carrying that I don’t need to be carrying anymore: physically, emotionally, and spiritually? It was hard, some of the things I felt God calling me to let go of. I sat quietly during worship and lifted these things up to God.
At the end of debrief, when I saw no one picked up my skirt, I took it back. I thought, “I wear this all the time, and I don’t want to see it go to waste.”
Unfortunately, I do that with emotional things too. I have this baggage that I don’t really need, but I am afraid to let it go. I am afraid to truly abandon the time, energy, money, etc, invested on this “feeling” because I never know if I’ll need it again. I lay it on the free table before God, but I never walk away. I just pick it back up and promise Him “later.” Next month I’ll get rid of it. Right before the Race, I’ll give it up. Wait, no, maybe I want to be buried in this stupid skirt. And so the load remains the exact same.
As I write this blog, I still haven’t figured out how to let go. But I know I’ll have a long, long time on the Camino to think about it.
Why Can’t We Be Friends?
For one of our homework assignments called Journey Markers, we had to answer a question, “Who on the squad do you want to get to know better?” We kind of assumed this would get taken into consideration for our new teams. I didn’t get paired with either of the two people I put, but I did get assigned to share a room with one of them. So, even though I did not know her all that well, I told her the truth, that I had put her name down for the question, and asked if she wanted to get dinner. She was happy I told her that, we got dinner, and became good friends over the next few days!
I tell this story to highlight the growth that has happened the last 8 months. Month 1 Ashley would never have been proactive about seeking a relationship if I wasn’t already confident the person liked me too. I can see how I have grown, not just in confidence, but also in the understanding that most people are not only open to the idea of a new friend, but hoping for one. It’s a very simple thing to say, “Hey, you seem cool, want to hang out?” You don’t need the stars to align (ie to be put on the same team) in order to pursue a relationship.
Love Proactively
This kind of goes off the last part, but to be honest, I don’t like giving serious compliments because it makes me feel awkward. I feel like it opens a door for rejection, for the other person to think you are weird. Turns out a lot of Racers (and people in general!) feel loved when they hear words of affirmation! So I have had to step out of my comfort zone and practice this art of making others feel loved. One night during debrief we ended our time as Team SheBrews with an affirmation circle (basically telling others what we like about them). Even though I love every single one of them dearly, it was hard to express why. I felt like I was tripping over my own words. But the words that others said toward me make me feel so loved and known and inspired me to try to do the same for others. Unlike my skirt, it’s something I want to carry with me after the Race!
Now I am in Tbilisi, Georgia for the Parent Vision Trip! Updates to come!
Question of the Blog: Who is someone you can compliment today? Or an acquaintance you can try to get to know better? I challenge you to love someone proactively today!
