Coming on this trip I knew money would be tight. I am a “recent” college graduate and just pushed all of my savings towards this trip. But at the same time, I was completely confident that the Lord would provide the money needed to make this entire adventure possible. And He has. I have been fully funded for 3 months now and am so thankful to everyone who has supported me because it has been nice to not have that stress always on the back burner in my mind!
So here is what I did NOT necessarily take into account: I set aside a bit of money to spend on “adventurous” things like bungee jumping, or parasailing, or whatever else sounds crazy fun. I imagined that I would be able to be self disciplined, always eat the cheap street food, skip the coffee, wear the same clothes, etc and save money for ”adventures”.
Nope.
Turns our, our budget of $5 USD per day for food doesn’t necessarily fly very well in some countries, especially when you are missing American food so much that you end up taking the hit and blowing your entire days worth of food budget on the Mcdonalds chicken burger in India (they don’t have beef burgers there) because that’s the only restaurant that looks vaguely familiar and doesn‘t smell like curry. Or when you are tired of wearing pants that you’ve sewn 4 times in the same spot and a baggy shirt with a weird brown stain that you sincerely hope is dirt, so you spend a bit of extra cash on a new pair of shorts. Or maybe when you decide to spend a bit more on the Pantene shampoo because you have absolutely no idea what is in the local brand because everything is in a different language.
Basically, I came to the conclusion that sometimes getting that mocha in the morning while sitting at a coffee shop and reading is far more important than bungee jumping or parasailing. Now that might seem strange to you, it would have sounded crazy to me had you told me that in month one. But the longer I am gone, the more I realize that satisfaction is found in simplicity, and excitement is found in spending time with the Lord and trusting in him regardless of where that may be.
So, here is my story about money and how a little trust went a long way.
I was at a train station in Kazakhstan buying some water because I hadn’t had any that day and was about to get on a 4 hour train ride. (Not that long, but I didn’t know if water would be available). The woman at the counter told my local friend who was with me that the 2 waters would cost 500, which equals about $1.50 USD. I handed her 1000. My friend then bought some water as well, paid the woman and got her change back. It was then I realized that I had not received my 500 in change so I told my friend who then asked the woman for my change. I had assumed this woman had just made a mistake and forgotten to give me change. Well, I was wrong. Apparently the woman insisted that I had given her a 500 bill instead of a 1000, which I knew was not true because a.) the bills were completely different colors and b.) 1000 was all the money I had left in my wallet.
Now a dollar fifty does not seem like much to lose, but on this trip that’s a full meal and I wanted it back. I looked at the woman who was completely competent and I could tell knew EXACTLY what the truth was and that she was cheating me out of 500 probably because I was a foreigner. Honestly, I was frustrated, but then I thought about what made the woman want to do something like that. What kind of bitterness did she harbor in her heart to make her react to a foreigner like that? Had she been treated poorly in the past? I didn’t know. The truth is we usually never know where a person is coming from if they are a stranger, and never know what made them take the actions they have taken. The only thing we can be sure of is how we react.
I looked at the woman for a long while and she looked at me. I could tell her heart was hardened towards me and then I decided what I was going to do. I thought to myself ‘thy will be done’ I smiled at the woman and asked my friend to tell her that it was ok and that she could keep the money. I then prayed that somehow the Lord’s love and kindness would envelope that woman someday and I left.
Now, I don’t want to make myself sound like the angel saint with the pure heart who chooses love and peace every time, because I am not, and inside I was still quite frustrated. But you can’t control the feelings you have, you can only control the actions you take, and in that case, with the Lord’s help, I think I made the right one.
Eventually my friends found out what happened and learned that it was a pretty big step for me to not have sought justice over mercy even though it was seemingly an extremely small and insignificant situation. In the past, I’ll be the first one to admit I probably would have been furious and not left the shop without my money.
The next morning we were getting ready for church when I noticed that there was a 5000 bill sitting right inside my purse, which is 10 times the amount I lost. Like I said, the day before I didn’t have any money in my wallet and so I was confused as to where the money had come from. When I asked, one of my friends sheepishly grinned and said “I have no idea what you are talking about…” Turns our she had heard the story of what had happened to me the day prior and was proud of how I handled the situation and therefore felt like she wanted to bless me with some money. To say the least I was pretty happy and thought about the fact that I would be able to get an extra coffee. It might seem small, but I was very thankful to the Lord for the blessing he had given me.
Fast forward to church later that morning. I am sitting in the chair and the offering bucket is going around and I feel the Lord nudge me saying ‘you need to give’. To be honest, I kind of argued a bit with Him. ‘All I have is the 5000, which was given to me by a friend. After that, I have no money.’ And yet, I still felt like the Lord was calling me to trust and give it away. So, I thought ‘thy will be done’, reached into my purse and dropped the 5000 in the offering box.
The next day I was sitting at a coffee shop with a different friend who was not with me when I lost the money, or knew that my other friend had given me 5000 out of no where said “Hey, some of us picked names of people on the team and wanted to bless them in some way and I picked your name and felt like the Lord wanted me to give you this…” she then pulled out a 20,000 bill with a note and handed it to me. That is 40 times the amount of money I lost! I was in total shock and actually almost began to tear up. I then told her the extent of the story of what had happened over the past few days and how the Lord has been so gracious with his blessings.
The situation made me think of Mathew 6:26-33, which says “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by wording can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about your clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ’What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Far to often I find myself concerned with money, or concerned with what the cost is for my next meal, or how I’m going to live after I get back from this trip, or what my clothes might look like to the outside eye. But I’m doing that, I blind myself to the care of the Father above and step into a place of distrust and lack of faith.
The truth of the matter is that God desires to bless his children, and desires to give us all we need. Therefore why do we worry about these earthly things that in the end don’t even matter at all? The only thing that matters in the end is God himself, and how earnestly we chase after him. The passage says “seek first the kingdom of his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” So that is what I have been learning recently and what I have been striving for. I deeply desire to be like the disciples who immediately dropped their nets to follow Je.sus just because he called their name.
I have also found that once I realized that the only thing on this earth that actually matters and will never fade is the Lord, life tends to become a lot simpler. It is in no way easier, and no part of me is any “holier” or more “perfect”. I still sin, and mess up, but know that there is a God of Grace who simply wants us to take a step of faith and trust, and keep our eyes focused on him without turning anywhere else. It is when we do that, that our worries and cares brought on by the world turn to peace and blessing given by the perfect and loving Father.
