Friends, this is how I feel about leaving America in 18 days:
It’s pretty nerve-wracking, I’m not gonna lie.
18 days.
I leave for the World Race in 18 days.
I leave my Mom and Dad for 9 months in 18 days.
I won’t see my siblings for 9 months in 18 days.
I won’t get to hug my best friend for 9 months in 18 days.
I’m going to live out of a backpack for 9 months in 18 days.
I’m going to embark on the most challenging journey of my life (so far) in 18 days.
So many things to leave. So many goodbyes. So much sorrow. Too many nights of crying myself to sleep. So much fear. So much doubt. So much uncertainty.
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE HARDEST THING THAT I’VE EVER DONE.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve cried more in the past couple of days than I ever have. Some moments are better than others, but I’m struggling.
But I’ve come to learn that – within every struggle – there is a choice. I can EITHER choose to dwell on all of the things that I’m leaving, or I can choose to hope in the Lord and what He’s going to do this year. I can either choose to give in to fear and doubt and sadness, or I can choose to believe that God is FOR me and that He is going to take care of me.
My heart is heavy, friends. I’m mourning leaving. It really sucks and it’s really really hard. On top of that, I’ve also been experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare. I’m shaky and every day feels like a battle.
But God is still my God. He is still good. He has still called me to do this, and so I will go. Not because I’m brave, not because I think it’s the “right thing to do,” not even because I’m necessarily excited about it (I truly am excited, but the nervousness is currently outweighing my excitement right now). I am doing the World Race because I LOVE JESUS, and because he chose to love me WAY before I learned to love Him. I’m choosing to OBEY in light of my FEAR, because God is working something in my life that is SO MUCH BIGGER than what I can see right now.
The Lord put this piece of scripture on my heart that I’ve always admired, so I’m going to share it with you. It’s about a woman in the Bible named Ruth, who I’ve adored ever since I was a little kid. Ruth 1:14-18 says:
“At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her. ‘Look,’ said Naomi, ‘your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.’
But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.’ When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.” (emphasis mine)
GUYS. This woman has just lost her husband, her brother-in-law, and her father-in-law. By going and living with Naomi – rather than returning to her FAMILY – she is choosing a really hard road to walk down. She has every right to leave Naomi, but she CHOOSES to walk the hard road with CONFIDENCE. She chooses to stay faithful and loyal to her mother-in-law even though she’s just lost so much. Ruth is so stubborn, and I honestly love her for it.
When my Mom was pregnant with me, she asked the Lord to show her a character of the Bible to pray over me. She prayed for me to become like Ruth… and I’m starting to realize that this isn’t a coincidence.
Ruth was loyal to the people that she loved. She was adamant and stubborn and faithful.
I desire to be like Ruth. I want to be adamant and stubborn about following the Lord even if it’s inconvenient and hard; I want to be loyal and faithful to him. I want to CLING to JESUS all the time. Ruth didn’t have to go with Naomi. She could’ve chosen the easier road; BUT SHE DIDN’T. And neither will I.
No matter how fearful I become; no matter how much spiritual warfare I encounter; no matter how much I’m wrecked by the experiences that I have; no matter how much I might want to give up; NO MATTER WHAT… I will go.
I will go because my GOD knows me and calls me by name. (Isaiah 49:16, John 10:3)
I will go because Jesus said that – although we would encounter trials and hardship in this world – He has overcome the world. (John 16:33)
I will go because his plans for my life are GOOD. (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28)
I will go because I am called to tell people about Jesus and make disciples of all nations. (Matthew 28:19)
I will go because my God will NOT fail me; He will take care of me. (Matthew 6:26-30)
I will go because God has NEVER failed to provide for my every need, and He will not be unfaithful in that now. (Hebrews 13:8)
I will go because, as a Christian, I am called to do things that are outside of my comfort zone. (Matthew 16:24-26)
I will go because MY GOD WILL. He will carry me when I can’t find the strength to carry myself. He will comfort me when I miss my home. He will be with me in my sorrows AND in my joys. He will take care of my every need.
Maybe you’re in this place too. Whether it be about college, a new job, a family, a marriage, whatever; maybe you’re also scared out of your mind to take that step. To commit. To obey the Lord because you KNOW that it’s going to be hard. Here’s my advice to you (and myself): Do it. Take that step. Do that thing. He has promised that he will provide for our EVERY NEED (Philippians 4:19). Whatever he is calling you to do – no matter how frightening and tough it may be – He will use for his glory and your good. You have my word on that.
I’m not ready to go on the World Race… I don’t think that I’ll ever be. But that’s something that’s really cool about God: He puts us in situations that make us discover that we are WEAKER than WEAK. And then He shows us how strong he is.
Thank you so so much for reading! Please be praying for my squad and I (please please please) as we prepare to leave in just 18 short days. Your support is SO needed and more than appreciated. Thank you for believing in me and rooting for me.
-Lyss
