It’s been 14 days now since returning home to the south. I have been literally going non stop since Beijing, going so fast that my emotions were pushed so far back into my mind that I hadn’t stopped to feel them. The reality of being away from the people I have spent a year with still hasn’t sunk in, because in a few short weeks I’ll be seeing them. The reality of change though, is at the forefront of my mind now as things have began to slow down. Everything has literally fallen into place, God has blown me away at how he has opened all the doors and taken care of every single detail. Phone, car, insurance, moving, and a job all within a weeks’ time. Still, my heart is sad with change and taking it pretty hard now that I have allowed myself to feel it.
In California, I prayed and asked God “what do you want me to do when I get home?” He said, “Love me” and of course my response was “well, yeah God but really, what do you want me to do” to which he responded, “love me”. Then I asked God, “Why are you rushing this move to Tennessee? I haven’t even gotten there yet, and my mom has sent most my stuff ahead. Why? I trust you, and I know you know what you are doing but why the rush?” I had in my mind that I would come home, relax on my own bed with my nice comforter after a year of constant moving and going from bed to bed. I was excited about reuniting with my friends and spending time with family. Then God responded “It may not make sense now, but it will.”
Now, those words replay in my head as I now understand why He was so quick to get me to my “new beginnings.” Change is hard. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable. I knew that when I left for the race, people would move forward with their lives. I knew that there was a possibility of my people having babies, getting engaged, and “settling in.” The last 14 days, I have been trying to make home in good old Bowling Green, Ky feel “normal” again, I just want things to go back the way they were before my life got turned upside down and pain happened. But they can’t, they just can’t. The “adjusting” back to life after the year I just went through is harder than I thought it would be. When I am in Kentucky the past haunts me, and feels like torture even after all the healing that God has brought me through. I have been so strong, but now…tears stream down my face as I face the reality that it will never be the same. And…thats okay. God has me exactly where he wants me to be. I am not running from the past, I am moving forward in obedience to God’s plan for my life.
As I worshipped yesterday, I came across this quote that God led me to and it is what I am clinging to in this time of transition. “The seasons change, and you change, but your Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams of His love are as deep, as broad and as full as ever.” It had a picture of a light house beside it. It was a reminder that no matter what storm I face, how out of place or alone I may feel, God is with me. His light is SO bright, that it can’t be ignored. Rather, it guides me home to safety. So I focus on his love, put the past behind me and move forward with the Hope for a future that is abounding in his love and freedom.
So, for those of you in a season of change [shout out, world racers]. Remember, God is with you, He is for you and He loves you so much. Trust him, even when it’s hard. It’s okay to be sad, its okay that its hard. Just as everyone around you has changed, so have you, but its a good thing. God is taking you to a new place, a next level. Embrace it, and hold tightly to his promises. He is a good good father, spend time with him and allow him to move in you deeper then ever before. He has already prepared the way and his light will lead you home.
This was my last page of my world race journal, how fitting as it’s the end of a season and this was the word I needed. So, I decided to be artsy….
If you would like to pray for me… God has called me to start a worship movement in Nashville, TN. I am excited for this new venture with God, and all that He is going to do here. Pray for community, opportunities, a place, and for all the puzzle pieces! It’s gonna be FIRE!!
Also…New blog site will be up soon, I promise!! If you would like to be on my emailing list for blogs…please email me @ [email protected] Thanks!!
Love you guys!
I thought this worship song was fitting…enjoy!
