Emotionally drained CHECK
Spiritually drained CHECK
Mentally drained CHECK
Physically drained CHECK
We left Egypt and hit the ground running, literally we were running through the airport in Istanbul trying to catch our second flight to Georgia to meet up with the rest of the squad. We arrived at 5 am, took a bus to the train station where we would wait there all day until 9 pm for our overnight train. After a few days in Azerbaijan, waiting for our cargo ship to arrive, we were off to cross the Caspian Sea. No air conditioning on this ship and the men freaked us women out a bit with their constant walking by and looking into our rooms, so sleeping with one eye open and the door cracked for air flow made it impossible for a good night’s rest. 34 hours later…We FINALLY arrived in Kazakhstan around 12 am, where our bags were searched and we were questioned about why we were there.
Once we arrived, we fit 8 people with all our hiking packs and daypacks into a small 7-person car. It was quite funny; you couldn’t see anybody except for who was right beside you. We stayed in a Hostel to wait for our next train that didn’t arrive until 10:50 pm and is a 60 hour ride to get to the city my team is going to. 60 hours!!!!! I’m laying on this train [Top bunk of course], tossing and turning through the night because It’s at least 80 degrees with no access to windows. Only 7 hours in, and all I want to do is cry. Nowhere to go, I’m stuck. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
This is the season that I am in. Waiting. God keeps telling me to wait. He must not remember that I am not rather fond of waiting, ha ha. Never the less, I know it’s a time for me to press in and go deeper with the Lord. I am literally running on empty. Last month in Egypt, it was AMAZING. We spent the entire month in the prayer room, as a team and an hour each day by ourselves. God was moving, He was speaking, He was opening up a door for my future and working out ALL the details on my behalf. With so many questions still unanswered, God told me I wasn’t ready for more until we work on some things in my heart. Before we left, He called me to this new season, a 40-day journey with Jesus in the desert. The word He keeps pointing me to is to WAIT. Being on this train, and having 10 days of traveling has really put things into perspective about what it means to wait. Nothing is in your control; you are literally dependent on someone else getting you to where you are going. You can’t speed up the process, no matter how much you wish you were at your destination, you have to sit back, relax and enjoy the journey ahead of you.
It is the same with our lives, when we follow God and trust Him with our future then we are no longer in control of where our destination [here on Earth] leads to and how long it takes to get there. We have to wait, listen and be obedient to the steps that God wants us to take and what He is calling us to do. It isn’t easy, especially when it affects the people you love. Change is not always a fun thing but I have learned that our lives are not our own. He knows where He needs to take us, what is important for our means of growth, and for our future.
I got this image last month of Jesus in the center of my heart, but on top of Him was a dogpile of the people that I love, care for deeply and are loyal to. You know when you dogpile on top of someone, you can only see their head and maybe a foot haha, that’s what I saw in this vision. God showed me that I did the same thing with Jesus, yes He is the center but because of the people I love, I can’t see the full picture of what Jesus wants to do in my life or his full perspectives. I have allowed people’s opinions of me to overshadow Gods opinions. He said; “Your love for people isn’t a bad thing, but it can’t cover up my love for you or the plan for your life, your confidence wavers because of this and you doubt me because of this”.
So here I am. Waiting. I am tired. I miss the open country, the rivers flowing, the sun shining down on my face, the birds swooping down to the water only to touch it and fly back to the sky. I miss the water sparkling, the green grass and the fragrance it gives off when it’s freshly cut. I miss our long walks, running through the country with the fresh breeze from the wind touching my skin. I miss our conversations sitting outside on the porch swing with a huge cup of coffee in my hand. I miss the laughter, the joy, us running outside together in the open fields, dancing in the rain, songs flowing from my lips. My heart radiating with overflowing joy and love. As I sit on this train, I reminisce on the sweet moments with Jesus at home. How I long to have that again knowing that home is right around the corner. Even when it gets time to go home, I know it will be different than before. Life will be different then before; a new season, new beginnings, change again. Am I ready for it? No, but I sit here waiting expectantly on the Lord. Knowing that God is behind the scenes working everything out for me, working in my heart and preparing me in His time and according to His plan for my life.
Though it is hard, I know it will be worth it.
What does God want you to wait on Him for?
