Looking back, I can’t say 2019 was the year I had envisioned for myself, but I can say it was the year I needed.
About a year ago, I had just gotten back from traveling the world and I decided that I wanted to move back out to Colorado. I waited patiently in Ohio for a few months before God opened a door and made a way for this to become possible for me.
On New Years of 2019, my friend Marissa and I settled in my ‘06 Ford Escape for a days worth of driving. When we finally arrived in a town called Erie, CO, I wasn’t sure what my future had in store, but I was certain of my faith in the Lord and that He would provide.
Over this last year, I reached out to God time and time again, praying that He would supply me with a ministry job, give me a solid community of believers, and maybe even a man.
And guess what?
God gave me all of these things.
I was given the opportunity to work with middle schoolers in a church, I made friends of all ages in my surrounding community, and got to know many high schoolers and married couples, and I started a relationship.
But the thing is, I had imagined it all differently in my head. I had been expecting a ministry job working with high schoolers or college aged students, I thought my friends would be my age, and I thought the next man I dated I would marry.
But this last year, something I saw come to pass in my life was “healing.”
And here’s how.
If you’ve been following my journey from the beginning, then you know that when I was in middle school I experienced sexual abuse by my youth pastor. I speak about this openly because it is a part of the redemptive story that God took my once broken life to use it for good. I’ve seen the glory of the Lord through the transformation of my story and I’m not shy in sharing that with others and rejoicing in it. God uses our brokenness and creates something new to display His glory of a masterpiece. He is faithful with His children, that is us! And that is exactly what God has done for me. All these years, I have carried with me the things I have been through and worked through, and in 2019 God has shown me that every piece of my story can be used for good.
For instance, I honestly never saw myself working in a setting where all my pain stemmed from, and yet I found myself full circle working at a church working with middle schoolers. I can now say this experience has healed me of hurt I’ve experienced within the church and with youth pastors from my past. I have found a home and family at my church here in Colorado. God has brought me community of all ages. Some of the these new friendships I have formed include the volunteers that help lead the middle school youth program with me. A few other friendships that I have made have been with young married couples in my church. Through these relationships I’ve learned about the beauty of different seasons of life. I’ve been taught that God likes to use unlikely people to bless you. I’ve seen how God has healed me in relation regarding men. I entered into a relationship that revealed to me godly men do exist and ones that will respect you. And even though it did not work out I see how God used that relationship to bless me and free me of past hurts with men.
So no, it was not exactly the year I dreamt of for myself. In fact, according to my own assumed plans, It would have been a detour of a year. Walking on a different road than I expected to find myself on has assured me that a new one is being re-pathed for me, just like He does for all of us- the current road God has us on may seem inconvenient from our perspective. It might look as if the road isn’t heading in the direction we desire it to be going in. But on detours, we come to see new and unfamiliar things, things that help grow us in character during the journey, all in order to prepare us for the next big thing we will be a part of. During this detour, we may see some views that are more beautiful than others. However, if you are following God’s direction, well then you are still on the the right path that He has placed you on. And He WILL get you to where you need to be. At the perfect time, and in His timing.
It’s been a challenging year, but one I NEEDED. One I’m grateful for and I imagine I’ll be reflecting back on this year when my dreams do come to pass. God is faithful in all circumstances and I’m all for a life of adventure with Him! I’m expectant for great things in 2020 but even still, if my dreams do not come to pass, I am certain that God’s plan is always better than anything I could dream of for myself.
