Today was a hard day.
I didn’t watch Hallmark movies while I wrapped presents with my Dad. I didn’t help him fold paper lunch bags to put as luminarias on our driveway. I didn’t get to get dressed up with my sisters to go to Church. I didn’t eat dinner at Old Blinking Light and watch my mom order pasloe like she does every year. I didn’t get to open one gift early knowing that what was inside was pajamas. I didn’t wear those matching Christmas pajamas with my sisters. I didn’t hear my dad read us the Night Before Christmas, or put Christmas cookies out even though we might be “too old for that”. The four of us didn’t sleep in the same room on Christmas Eve for the first time. I didn’t get to see the snow fall. And when they wake up in the morning, I won’t be there to spend the day with them. I won’t sit on the stairs with my sisters while my dad shouts from the living room “LOOOOKS LIKE SANTA CAMEEE!” I won’t be there to read the annual Christmas letter from Santa. I don’t get to give my loved ones gifts I picked out specially for them. I won’t help my mom make Christmas dinner, and I won’t eat lefsa with them or have three too many rolls. I won’t be there when they watch a movie after dinner, sick from how much they ate. I won’t be there at all.
And it was hard day. It still is.
But here’s what I did get to do.
I got to wake up early to watch the Red Rocks Christmas Eve service live online while my family was at Church. We got to listen to the same songs and the same message, even though we are a world apart. I got to watch it with Amaris, my Colorado soul sister, who feels like a little piece of home. I got to FaceTime my family as they went to dinner at Old Blinking Light. I got to talk about the goodness of the Lord with Emmy and Jolee in a Vietnamese Food Court eating ice cream that looked like snow. I got to play music with my friends who feel like family. I got to sit in the stairwell of our hotel as 50 of us gathered in the hallway to sing Christmas songs together. I got to exchange gifts that we found while rummaging through our backpacks. I got to eat frozen yogurt with my new team and have a beer with Lindsay.
I’m so far away from what my Christmas has looked like for 22 years. I’m so far away from my family and the traditions I love so much. But there is still so much good.
There’s so much good in putting aside everything I think Christmas should be, and recognizing that I all need on Christmas is Jesus. And that’s what I have. But he’s also given me so much more. He gave me 50 people to celebrate with. He gave me a time to sing our Christmas songs. He gave me the closest thing to snow I could get (ice cream counts). He gave me friends that listened to me while I cried because I miss my family. He gave me an internet connection so I could talk to my family from halfway around the world. But what He really gave me today was Himself. The Lord taught me today that when everything I have in front of me doesn’t feel sufficient, Jesus always is.
No, I didn’t get to spend Christmas at home with my family, but I have Jesus today. That is enough for me. And even though He is enough, He still gives me so many more great gifts.
“Don’t be afraid little flock, because your Father delights to give you the Kingdom.” -Luke 12:32
