ATL: Ask The Lord; Where World Racers are released on their own to find housing, ministry, and live on mission without the normal, organized structure we’re used to.
In the past, World Racers have been known to get back home to the States and panic. They find themselves living comfortably in their parents’ basements months after the Race or living in a way that is less than reflective of Christ’s life. In an attempt to better prepare us for home, AIM decided to deconstruct our last two months. The idea was to better prepare us for the independence we’re about to be thrown back into. We chose our teams and no longer had team leaders. And for our final week of ministry, we were given ATL.
My biggest battle this year has been with my independence. I lived by myself and was totally self-sufficient. I’m used to traveling alone and choosing what I want to eat, what I want to do, and the places I want to see. Adventure days on the Race have been really, really hard for me with once-in-a-lifetime adventures within my grasp but needing to choose my team and their wants over self. It’s been hard. Like, a constant battle. I’ve often fallen short, but I’m still continuing to pursue selflessness.
When our Stateside team announced a final week of ATL, a little bit of me panicked. The thought of another week of trying to make decisions with 7 very different opinions exhausted me. And I wondered how that would really prepare me for home.
All week I’ve wrestled with if I’d really be equipped to live on mission at home. With so many temptations begging for my attention, I honestly thought I might just go back to my old life and write this year off as a crazy fun season. But what a loss that would be! I’ve struggled with finding my place at home. I desperately want to live in dependence of the Lord, but the fact is I’m pretty self-sufficient. And unless I sell everything I own and move to a third world country, I’m probably still going to be pretty stable.
And that’s when the Lord stepped in. This week he’s shown me over and over that following Christ isn’t about money at all. Like not even a little bit. Some people do have to rely solely on God for income. And food. And shelter. But thankfully that’s not my reality. And it doesn’t make me any less qualified to depend on God. But it does give me a higher responsibility to serve those people.
He has shown me that being dependent on Him isn’t only about finances. For some of my teammates, it has been, and I’ve watched over and over as the Lord stepped in to provide. Which left me questioning if I was really depending on him at all. I started viewing financial stability as a hindrance instead of a blessing. Yikes! Not the best place to be when I’m about a board a plane home… to AMERICA.
Until I realized I’ve never been more dependent. For the last eleven months, and even more specifically the last three, I’ve had to depend on him to keep my family safe and healthy. I’ve had to sit back as they’ve wrestled with death and suicide and cancer, all while remaining on the field to do what I was called here to do. Y’all, that’s freaking hard. And I’m not capable. But God is. He’s enough, and he carried me through every single day. He gave me strength to love others through my broken heart. He gave me peace when I didn’t have wifi to get a final diagnosis. And he gave me patience and confidence that he would work everything out for good.
ATL for me has been stepping out of my comfort zone to treat Venezuelan refugees to lunch and make relationships with beach vendors. It’s having conversations with backpackers about why we choose to sit with people in poverty and brokenness. It’s going kite-surfing for the opportunity to share the gospel and allow our new friend to earn money with dignity. It’s loving big and spoiling people who don’t have the same financial or heart situation you do. It’s learning from cultures that are different from my own and taking every single ounce in before we go back home.
This week has prepared me more than I could’ve ever imagined for stepping back into the United States. We are called to serve wherever we are and whatever we do. So in 7 days — only 168 hours — I’m going to step back onto American soil confident in whatever is next. Because you don’t need to board a plane or to be a missionary. Ever.
