Life is messy. Hearts are broken often as a result of our fallen world. When sin entered the world back in the Garden of Eden, with it came illness and death and tragedy. As followers of Christ, we aren’t immune. False teachings, cheesy clichés and hopeful hearts often lead us to think otherwise, then leave us confused about our faith and the character of our God when tragedy strikes.
If you’ve been keeping up, you’ll know I received some really difficult news from home last month. After a lot of prayer, I opted to remain on the field. And by doing so, I thought I had to toss my grieving aside. In my mind, a good missionary wouldn’t be troubled by the things at home. A good Christian, I thought, praised God through the storm without shedding a tear.
I dangerously assumed that God had expectations of me, expectations that no one could live up to. I thought trust looked like a perfect grin and bubbly heart in the midst of any trial, no matter how big. And y’all, that is SUCH a lie. A lie straight from the enemy to keep us from surrendering our mess to the Lord.
After confiding in leadership that I was having trouble understanding what it looked like trust in the Lord through a broken heart, my squad mentor recommended a book called ‘No More Faking Fine’ by Esther Fleece. Esther carried you through the beauty of the language of lament. I highly recommend you give it a read. It took exactly 35 words into the introduction for me to realize I desperately needed this book, and you probably do too.
“If I heard one more message about thinking differently to change my circumstances, or praying more to see results, or trusting God more, I thought I would scream.”
She nailed it on the head.
Throughout my life, and especially the last year, a lot of people have given me a lot of advice on how to trust the Lord. People with heavy influence, people with unbelievable intimacy with the Lord, and people who don’t even realize they’ve found themselves right smack in the middle of the prosperity gospel. They’ve given me plenty of good cliches to live by, things ‘good Christians’ do. And while they meant SO well, I’m learning they had it SO wrong.
The reality is illness sucks. Period. No well-intentioned cliché is going to change that. And all the prayer in the world isn’t going to bring you peace if you don’t allow the Lord into the real, ugly side of the grieving process. He WANTS to guide us through it. He wants our real, raw selves and all the pain and crying that comes with it. And as I navigate my new season, I want to invite you into it. Because you’ve probably been given some of that bad advice at some point, and maybe you’ve even given some to a hurting friend. I have, too.
And it has to stop.
I had years of conflicting advice stirring around in my mind and it’s clouding the one thing I know will can bring peace: God himself.
Y’all, scripture is FULL of lamenting. It has an entire book titled Lamentations. Almost 70 of the 150 Psalms are laments: honest, raw emotions of anger, sadness, loneliness and confusion. The people of the Bible weren’t afraid to ask God the hard questions. They didn’t hide their tears in an attempt to be strong or happy. Christ himself mourned the death of a friend, even though he knew he’d later raise him back to life.
So why have we forgotten about lamenting? Why do we encourage bringing happier praise or bigger trust or more positive thinking in times of sadness? God can handle your honest thoughts. He’s the only one who can give you real answers and real peace. If you’re angry or sad, he wants to know. He won’t hold it against you. He’ll enter into those moments with you, exactly as you are.
Something I’ve always known about myself is I feel things deeply. I’m a naturally emotional person. And honestly, I love feeling alllll the things. But when bad things happen, I dig deep into those feelings and sit in them. I grieve not only for the situation, but for all the other people in the world who are in that same scenario. It hasn’t been rare this year for me to sob over how broken the world is. So when I need to lament, there’s a lot that comes up. Someone I love gets sick? Welp, let me mourn for every single person on this earth facing illness, too.
Y’all, that’s a whole lot to carry on my own. It’s not feasible. But God wants to walk through that stuff with us. He wants to remind us that he’s still present and he’s still good. You’ll find verse after verse about it.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. PSALM 34:18
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. MATTHEW 5:4
But he can’t do that if we aren’t honest with him. I lasted roughly 24 hours in my ‘I’m a missionary and I’m supposed to hold it together so I’m trusting God and can’t be sad’ state until I crumbled to pieces. Shortly after my teammate shared how proud of me she was for getting pumped up about ministry and doing allll the fun things, I fell apart. I admitted I was hurting and didn’t know how to face my broken heart and do life successfully on the field. I was carrying too much with my ill-equipped flesh.
But when I went to the Lord with all my stuffed up baggage and pain, I was met with kindness and compassion and grace. There was no condemnation for trying to do it alone. And no condemnation for asking the hard question and voicing my anger and hurt. I closed my eyes and saw Jesus himself holding every piece of my shattered heart in his hands. Maybe you don’t believe God tangibly speaks to us, but I do. And I believe he never leaves us hanging in our times of grief. Sit with him. Read his Word. Listen to what he has to say. If I have to cry with him every single morning the rest of the Race in order to prepare my heart for each day, he’s ready and willing. But I’m confident that each and every day will get easier because he’s a God that desires freedom for his children, even in the midst of sorrow.
