Just be strong, and trust God.
Ok, yeah simple enough. I think … I sat down this morning and just started writing. I am trying to figure out what fears, hurts, wounds I have in my soul that caused the paralyzing anxiety to get me home earlier than expected. That’s when I started thinking about how so many people say that and I actually don’t really know what they mean by it. Be strong and trust God. Okay. But what does it actually look like to be strong? And how do I turn that strength into trusting God?
(As I begin the processing stages I want to be vulnerable where I am at. I know that a lot of people have sought me out since the beginning of this journey (my own Race) telling me they are thankful for my honesty to share where I am really at. I hope that being honest during this hard season will be freeing to just one of you readers.)
Now if you have ever had to process through anything you know that it can be really hard and emotional and it can bring up a lot of things that we think we have already dealt with but in reality we haven’t. And if you know anything about the Enneagram you know that Type 7’s don’t like dealing with hard or sad emotions. Well, I am a Type 7 so processing isn’t always my idea of a good time. But in an effort to get passed this anxiety I am having to sit and ask God the hard, emotional, sad questions.
“Why am I so anixous about losing my loved ones?”
“What hurt me so badly that it makes me believe … xyz …”
“Why don’t I feel worthy of your goodness and love?”
The list goes on and on but these kinds of questions aren’t easy for me to ask because truthfully I don’t want the answers. I want to feel happy and cheery and believe that struggle and heartache will never come… But that is not reality in the slightest. Then I started to think, “be strong and trust God.”
Be strong enough to be vulnerable with yourself. Be strong enough to say, I cannot handle this on my own anymore. Be strong enough to admit that your weaknesses are getting the best of you. Be strong enough to be self aware of your hurts, wounds, and struggles.
Be strong and trust God.
Trust God to rebuild you once you have opened yourself up to replay your deepest hurts. Trust that God has your heart in his hands and he wants to take care of it. Trust that God wants to bring beauty from the ashes. Trust he wants to put you back together once you have been ripped to pieces by the wounds in your soul.
My thought this morning, is even in the pain and hurting, be strong enough to bring your darkness to the Light and trust God as he brings light to the darkest parts of your life. He will bring healing, we just have to ask Him to heal us first.
With an open and hurting heart,
Sav
