I think the last time I really wrote and updated on how I was doing was like months ago… And to be completely honest, I did not really want anyone to know how I was doing at this present moment. But the Lord has so graciously blessed me with a spirit of vulnerability so here we go.
The last few months in Asia have been amazing! Truly, I was terrified to come to this part of the Race because I was so scared of the unknown. But God is faithful and awesome and so unbelievably loving and these have been some of the greatest months.
Malaysia was great. I began to ask the Lord to reveal to me the areas where I could be more Christ like. I wanted to start emptying myself so that I could be filled with the Holy Spirit. He began doing that. Emotionally, I was able to be vulnerable in front of my team and in front of the Lord. I shared with my team things about myself that were not so beautiful but God created beauty out of the darkness I was sharing. I began sharing with the Lord my heart so that He could change it. Physically, I became ill one day and that last for about two weeks. The Lord showed me that I have to rely on Him in every way possible. Even when I have nothing left inside and it’s still coming out (told you I have a spirit of vulnerability). Spiritually, I looked to Him and prayed more than I ever have in my life. There were three days that month in Malaysia that we spent 5 hours at PenHOP, Penang’s House of Prayer. WOW. God says a lot when you truly sit with Him for that long. (PS- a call to overseas missions seems to be in order).
Thailand was surprising wonderful. When we got to Bangkok at the beginning of December for Debrief, I quickly learned that it was not my favorite city. I, so rudely, thought that the entire country would then not be my favorite. WOW. Again, God is awesome and brings awesome people into our lives when we least expect it. The Kohn Kaen YWAM staff quickly became family. I loved our ministry hosts, translators, and the ministries we worked with more then I could even have fathomed. We worked at an orphanage that was surrounded by beauty. Naturally, I began to ask the Lord if that’s where He was going to bring me back to after the Race. As of right now, I don’t think so… (you can wipe the sweat off your brow Mom and Dad). It was extremely hard to leave this country. But I left with no tears shed… Mainly because I had a peace that I will one day be back… Who knows for sure though!
Then we spent New Years in Chiang Mai. We watched lanterns float across the sky as if they were just really big stars. God painted such a beautiful picture in the sky at midnight. One of celebration. One that reminded me of where I had been in 2017 and where I was headed in 2018… Now here I sit in Myanmar, writing this blog a few days into the new year. A few days into Month 6. A few days into a new team. A few days into this new reality that on this Saturday night in my room hit me like a brick wall.
I have been on the mission field for the last five months. Seeing things that people never imagine seeing. Experiencing God in ways that I could only dream of before. Working to see the Kingdom brought to Earth. Y’all. That is incredible.
On the other hand, I sit here and I think about the fact that I still have five more countries to visit. Five more months being on the mission field. To be completely honest, at this moment I cannot tell if that fact scares me or if coming home in five months scares me more. Coming on the Race I said one thing, that I did not want to come home the same girl that I left as. I want God to change me. To transform the woman that I am into the woman that He wants me to be. That means that I still have some serious growing to do in this next five months. And that scares me…
I have hit this wall and I have two options.
1. To stay behind the wall and let it block me from all that God has for me
2. To climb over the wall and see what God has for me for the next five months, growth and pain and joy and all of it
I cannot begin to tell you how much option two scares me. But I know that stepping into the unknown, following the voice of the Lord is far less scary then staying behind the wall. I’m choosing option two for the next five months. And for a lifetime.
“Through waters uncharted, my soul will embark
I’ll follow Your voice straight into the dark…” –Captain, Hillsong United
With love,
Sav
