First things first, if you read my last blog I have some good news. I will be graduating in May 2017!!! Wowza, God is so good in providing us people that are willing to help you in anyway possible. During that month of October, I was choosing to find joy in a not so joyful situation. Now that my graduation situation has been taken care of, it’s like the enemy just decided to target all of my anxieties. And man does that suck.
Anxiety is the stealer of all joy. Worry makes us think that God does not have our life in His hands. Stress is the response to a challenge, whatever it may be. All of these things have been all too real for me in this last month and a half that I have not written.
What should a girl that has followed Jesus for a very long time do in this type of situation? She should pray, seek out Christ, read and be reminded of His promises, and remember that Christ has got it all under control. But instead, what did I do? I isolated myself. I did not seek out the Lord. I did not read my bible to remind myself of His goodness and promises. I continued to pray, but mainly because I just like to talk. I did not spend time casting out my anxieties on the Lord, knowing all good and well that the bible tells us to do that in 1 Peter.
I wanted to do it all on my own. I wanted to think that school is not too much to handle and that I am the superwoman of a busy schedule. I can do it all with no help. But that is the biggest lie ever.
The enemy likes to tell me that Jesus does not need to hear about all the little things that I am struggling with because I can handle them on my own. Jesus has bigger things to handle. Jesus isn’t going to help me with that because I just overcame that problem and shouldn’t be dealing with it again.
Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. All lies.
And gosh is it easy to hear and believe. Satan is so appealing to the human heart. Human nature tells us to do it all on our own. That we have to be strong enough to deal with our own problems.
But what does Jesus say in all of our mess? And problems?
“Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
That should be easy, it should be my first thought when something is hard. To lean on Jesus. Knowing that he delights in us coming to him with our anxieties and struggles. But it’s not always easy…
With school work, internships, ministry, trying to stay in shape, sorority, fundraising, social life, trying to be a good friend (even from afar), and trying to find rest in the midst of all of that. Sometimes life is too much and the enemy takes advantage of that state of vulnerability.
But Jesus does not choose to step away and not be there for us when we finally see the light of day. When we finally realize that this life we have been living is too hard and we see the need that we have. The need to remind ourselves daily of who he is and how good and gracious he is.
Wowza. In this month and a half that I have been trying to do it all on my own, Jesus has been there. He has helped me when I thought I was doing it alone. He has listened when I have cried out because it was all too hard to handle. He has stayed when I walked away, again and again and again…
He has longed for me to come back. My heart has longed for me to return, but my pride has gotten in the way. It has taken me a month and a half to realize how broken, stressed out, anxiety filled and worried I have been. It took a stress ulcer and nights of stress filled nightmares to realize that I cannot maintain this lifestyle of trying to do it all on my own.
It’s in this time I am annoyed. How many times am I going to do this to myself before I realize the lesson I am being taught? It is also in this time that I am thankful. Thankful to have a Savior that will continue to save me. Continue to love me. Continue to be there no matter how many times I walk away. And thankful that the pain of this last month and a half has reminded me, once again, how good our God is.
With love, xoxo
Sav
