Remember in Exodus when Moses requested that God show him his glory? I often imagine and desire to know the roaring ache in his heart to be so close to God that I’m sure it was nothing less than a raging plea to God. I wonder what was stirring in Moses’ heart to ask such a powerful thing of God. I mean he must have lost his mind, right? Asking to see God! He must have felt so desperate to see Him, His heart must have been so heavy and so anxious to grasp every single part of God. What a true desire. God did grant Moses this gift, agreeing to allow Moses to stand on a rock while He passed by covering his face allowing Moses to only see His back and then he said to Moses he “I will stand before you and proclaim my name ‘The Lord’.
“The Lord descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord. The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Ex. 34:5–7)
The past few years of my life I have found myself more like Moses as I learn more and more who God is. As I know and love His character, as I see more and more of His promises be fulfilled, as I hear His whispers calling me daughter and beloved. It’s a constant ache to be closer to Him, for him to show me more of his heart and allow me the experience of being in his presence. We live in a grace so wonderful, a love so powerful that how could we ever want anything else rather than to be near his heart? The past year my pleas to God to show me who he is have turned into a raging, angry demand like Gideon and the fleece, you know “prove yourself God”. Do you think Moses experienced this at all? Either way, he got what he asked for. And so do we when we ask that of God. I’ve been Moses, a cheerful cry and I’ve been Gideon, begging God to show me who He is although both Gideon and I know who He is. I wonder if any part of Gideon secretly wanted God to fail? I did. I think both Gideon and I would have gotten off the hook of doing what God asked of us if he would have failed the fleece test. But thankfully He allowed both Moses and Gideon to experience himself authentically when they asked parallels based on their circumstance.
I think the common interest between myself, Moses and Gideon and everyone else is that in some way, we are all desperate to see God, see how he works, see if he’s going to pass the test. Here’s a hint: He passed the test when he sent his son, promised to forgive our sins and love mankind even knowing we will test him and deny him. You see, we are all desperate and crying out to know Him. And he’s just on the other side of the door asking for you to open it. The thing about God is that he gave us a choice and it’s simple “follow me or don’t”, “know eternal life with me, or know life in hell”, “know peace and know abundant love or know chaos, confusion and temporary fulfillment”. There comes a pivotal point where we must look at the world and our lives and say “Choose: deepest joys or shallow satisfaction?” He is never going to force you to know Him and follow Him, He’s just not. He would never bust down your door and meet you face to face demanding you follow Him. Instead, he waits patiently crying out and praying for your obedience to follow Him. We allow the world to tell us what we need, what we need to see and what is going to make us happy and provide fulfillment. We try worldly things, friends, relationships, marriage, money, job promotions and at the end of the day if you’re not opening your door for Jesus, I can promise you, you will never find what you are looking for. I can promise that because He promised that. I pray this year is a year of surrendering my heart (and all of you!) and allowing myself to be in a constant mindset of Moses “show yourself “. He has given you the tools and the right to see Him, be Moses and ask for it, He will show himself.
