I have been slightly MIA in relation to this blog and some of you may be wondering, what has been going on with Sarah?
Honestly I have been a little lost in a christian bubble as well as myself. Oops. Sorry.
The question I often ask myself is, “what’s different about me?” Recently I have been seeing other Christians fitting the world inside their Christian bubble. They live in a way that seems holier from a distance, but on the inside of the bubble everyone feeds on flesh thinking they only have to be righteous in front of nonbelievers. Why is this acceptable? I got caught up on focusing on how to approach people about it. Wondering why it’s okay for some to act and do and say certain things and the truth is, it’s not. (but wait, there is more. Wait for me to get off this horse. It is a little big so it might take a minute or so.)
I write with my own conviction seeing that I am no better. I do the exact same thing.
I recently got together with an old group of friends and started going back to my BC days. Back into the times where I said I was a Christian but lived no differently than my atheist friends (OUCH). Moment after moment I struggled with the thought of, “I have to show them that I am not a prude.” “I can’t be a goody goody.” “I have to be funny.” “I have to fit it.” I felt like I could act and think a certain way because they knew where my heart was (HA!). I should have expressed my discomfort, but the scariest part was that I was not that uncomfortable, and how could you be, in an environment where everything is permissible?
Everything is permissible, but not all things are beneficial. We often forget to be constructive with out time. What about how I spend my time is beneficial?
I feel so much conviction now over what others would probably dust off their shoulder. And not so much because I went back to my past for a moment, but because of my desire to be comfortable and to fit in. I keep forgetting that the world is going to hate me because they hated He who is within me (#JESUS) . I need to be more okay with that. I often say that I don’t care what others think about me. I don’t know if that has ever been true. I do care. It’s probably one of the biggest thoughts impacting my life. I want to know how others see me. I want their approval. I want to know why people vanish from my life. I want to know how to keep people in my life. Notice that it seems to be all about me?
This is the current struggle, as well as what God is using to draw me closer to Himself. Pray for me as I continue to learn and Grow in Christ. Its time to love deeper and focus not on others, not on myself, but on the one who created us all, God the Father.
