For the past month I have been struggling with this huge weighted question, “what do I have to offer?” In this process getting all of my documents finalized and beginning to prepare for the race I stumbled on a question in our ministry bio of what we had to offer. What will my contribution be? The examples were things like, “being a talented musician”, “gifted in soccer”, “gift of teaching”. I stopped for a moment to think. This thinking lead me down a mini self-loathing path. Of course the fine print of the question was to be humble. I at first thought to myself I was not good enough for the trip. I don’t have any talents or skills that could possibly benefit my team or the people I would meet on the race. Nothing I do could ever be good enough. I left the question blank and went on for a while pondering this question.
Why was I not born with a natural athletic ability or a voice that only sounds semi decent in the shower. Did God give me any talents other than being slightly double jointed? Did I learn anything other than how to rip a phone book in half? (Yes I have done this once. It wasn’t huge, but there is video evidence and I am proud of this accomplishment.) I went on and on and on wanting to know what I had to offer.
Recently I went to a church service and had a realization during worship that really helped me understand, then the message that was preached spoke to me even more and confirmed what thoughts I had during worship. The pastor went over a passage that always confused me in Matthew. It was the parable of the Talents in Chapter 25. Of course the talents here are talking about an amount of money. The parable is about how a man lets his servants take care of his property while he is away. To some people he gives a little and to some he gives a lot. He later returns and asks all the men what they have and all but one of the servants multiplied what was given to him and then rewarded. However, one of the guys decided just to hide away his talent and it did not benefit anyone for it to be hidden. In fact, this man was called a wicked and slothful servant. I Always questioned this passage thinking there was nothing wrong with what he did because at least he kept it safe. Now think about it in another perspective. Think about what God has given you. Are you hiding it? Or are you using it to multiply his kingdom? Whether it be a skill or a resource, we should not hide anything God gives us. In this story the man who entrusted his servants with his property basically told the unfaithful servant who hid the talent that it did not matter if the talent was multiplied, it only mattered if he tried or not.
Then it hit me like an unforeseen iceberg in the middle of the ocean.
Why does God need me for the world race? He doesn’t. What can I do? Nothing. And that is the greatest realization. God just wants us to be faithful with what we are given whether it be a little or a lot. He simply calls us to go and he will do the rest. It is okay that I am not athletic. It is okay that I don’t know how to play any instruments. It is okay that I never learned proper photography. God does not need these things or people who can do them. He can sure use them, but honestly it is not our works or skills that get anything accomplished. As I have always been told, “He does not call the prepared, He prepares the called.” And the only thing that I can possibly do for this trip is say yes. To say, here I am Lord, Send me. He is the one that will be truly working. I cannot save anyone. I am just a vessel. I don’t need to be the captain of the ship or even a crew member, honestly that might lead to a repeat of the Titanic. God can have it all, He can be the captain, he can be the wind, he can be the waves, heck he can even be the Iceberg if that is what he wants. I just want to be in motion going where he leads me.
