A long time ago, in my ignorance I told everyone, including God that I would never be a missionary. Growing up I thought that’s not what I am called to do. I refused to give my desires to God. I thought my plans were good ones and that God wouldn’t and hadn’t called me to the mission field. I did not have a desire to go so why would he send me? I am not even prepared for something like that. I could not picture myself abandoning my own dreams and living overseas and putting others first. God didn’t call me to do that. Now I literally laugh at the fact that I even tried to resist being a missionary and here is why:
- God doesn’t just tell a few people to go. The Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20) tells us ALL to go. I thought this before seeing a video by Go Now Missions where everyone had the same doubts that I did. I realized the truth is that God wants to use us all. And we should be honored by the fact that He wants to use us even though he doesn’t need to.
- Our Mission field isn’t always overseas. It is all around us and at all times. Technically I am already on the mission field and that started from the time I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. Also I would like to point out that when you say, “Jesus is Lord”. You cannot just pretend that this has no meaning. This statement means you are giving him the controls. Which leads me to my next point.
- Who the heck am I to tell the Creator of the Universe I am not going to do something. That is basically me trying to challenge God. HA. How quickly he humbles me when I try to tell him how I think it should be. I will graduate May 2017 from Lamar University in Beaumont Texas. I never thought I would love this place so much and find out so much of myself here. I remember applying for schools and asking God to close the wrong doors and open the right ones. He slammed several in my face and opened up the plainest looking door. I unsuspectingly walked through it and found more than I could imagine for myself. His plans will always win, and they will always be better. So really it makes more sense to stop questioning Him.
When I fully, legitimately surrendered, I said, “God, do whatever you want in my life. Use me however. Don’t give me the desires of my heart, transform my desires to align with your will. I said I am putting my yes on the table. Let my life be filled with saying yes to you.” He completely shifted all my desires. I began to focus on pleasing Him instead of myself. I was following the verse in Matthew 6: 33 that says seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. I don’t seek Him so I can get anything. The purpose is to seek God for nothing, but Him. When my love for God became real was when I decided to become step out of my comfort zone and reflect the son in my life to others.
When you realize that life is not about you, you begin to really live. “To live is Christ, to die is Gain.” Philippians 1:21. I want this trip to be about surrender. Following him to places I would never dream about and becoming more of who He wants me to be.
