The time has FINALLY come for me to embark on this journey. As I should be filled with excitement and anticipation for what’s to come, unfortunately I’m not. In fact, I’m not even in Atlanta preparing and participating in the last round of training. For it is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I’m not going on the World Race….at least not in 2018.
Two days ago (1 day before I was scheduled to head to Atlanta with bags packed and ready to go)I was still trying to figure out what to do with my personal debt. So, I sought wise counsel from my coach who encouraged me to spend some time with the Lord by asking him what I should do regarding this situation. So, I did.
That’s when the unexpected happened. He spoke to me and told me that I needed to push back and deal with my debt. Thinking I heard him wrong, I asked him to quiet my spirit and again prompted the question. I was then given the same response: “Push back. You need to deal with your debt. It’s time for you to face it head on.” Again not thinking that I was hearing him clearly, I prompted the question for a third time. As you guessed, he again stated that it was time for me to deal with my debt. At that moment, my heart began to break and tears flooded my eyes. I cried out, and asked for forgiveness. I began to ask questions like “Why would you let me get all the way until the day before to tell me no?” “Lord, you’ve called me! Won’t you provide?” Feelings of shame, defeat, embarrassment, failure and even anger immediately began to consume my heart and mind.
After spending the last two days praying, crying, crying out to him, seeking his face and trying to prevent myself from going into depression regarding this entire situation, it has been revealed to me that I need to work on self-control and the heart issue that has had an effect on my spending habits. It was also revealed that I was more concerned with raising funds for the race than I was handling my personal debt.(I’ll pause and be honest and let you know that one of my fears was that my friends, family and even my supporters would judge me, but I know the truth is that they will love me through this and want me to walk in obedience. So, please pray that God will first heal my heart as I go through this grieving process and that he helps me to understand where I made my mistakes and what this next season of dealing with my debt will look like. I know the first step is partaking in Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.)
You see, God calls us to be good stewards of our finances. He doesn’t want us to be bound to anyone but to him. For the Bible says that we “owe no one anything except to love one another” (Romans 13:8). We are called as Christians to stay out of debt because Jesus talks about the borrower being a slave to the lender. It’s tough to serve two masters. (See Proverbs 22:7)
For too long, the bondage of debt has consumed my life and it’s time for me to break free. I’ll honestly admit, one of the reasons for me going on this World Race was for a fresh start and to correct the last ten years of my life, but sometimes we can’t run from our problems, we have to face them head on. Even though this doesn’t feel good, it’s what’s best. I just wish that I would have sought his face regarding this or rather heeded to his spirit a little more. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11). I just know that I’ll be able to fully give myself to the World Race and the people we’ll serve when I’m debt free!
I want to THANK everyone for their outpouring of love, support, and encouragement during this entire journey. A special shout out to the Blue and Boujee E squad and Team Seekers for seeing me through this. Also, much love to my amazing squad coaches and mentor for helping me see this from a perspective of godly wisdom. As of now I’m just deferred for the World Race. The funds that we’ve worked so hard to raise are still in my fundraising account and when the Lord is ready for me to go, they will go towards that specific route. If you would like to discuss this with me, I’ll be more than happy to talk with you, but after sometime within the next week or so, as I’m still trying to process.
One thing I know, and that I’m trying to grasp in my spirit is what my Daddy said: “Though you’re delayed, it doesn’t mean you’re denied.” I know that one day God will use this lesson I’m learning for me to walk through with someone who may face something similar in the future. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable and thank you again for your support.
xoxo,
Ramesha Nicole
