I like to imagine I have it all together.
I especially like for other people to think I have it all together.
Nice picture right?
For a long time I have struggled with feelings of rejection. If I’m not what others think I should be ‘step here, say this, act like this’ then I’m not accepted by them.
If I feel rejected I go into survival mode and shut down by putting walls up and closing people out.
I struggle with trusting God and releasing my fears to Him. I want to hand Him bits and pieces while I cling worriedly to the rest.
But the thing is, Jesus didn’t take just bits and pieces of shame and sin at the cross, He took ALL of it.
This month, God has been teaching me that I am accepted and has been working at smoothing off a lot of the rough edges I surround myself with for protection.
‘Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us’. – Psalms 62:8
A few days ago, I had the chance to talk to a lady named Mirella who has a similar story.
Mirella had kindly made room in her schedule this past Saturday to give some of us a massage.
We got to talking the next day at the CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship) BBQ and she told me about how her husband isn’t a believer and how she herself had just come back to faith a couple months ago.
She shared about how she had poured out her heart to a christian friend, sharing how she had believed that she was not worthy of Gods love and forgiveness and how He could never possibly accept her because of who she was and what she had done in her past.
Her friend listened quietly until Mirella was done, and then explained that there is nothing God wouldn’t forgive her for and that He still loved and accepted her.
No conditions or boundaries. Mirella was overjoyed and amazed.
I reiterated to Mirella that Gods grace and love overflows for us despite our fears/history. Our ultimate fulfillment and acceptance come only from Jesus whose arms are always wide open and will always accept us.
‘The ground is level at the foot of the cross. None of us are any better or worse than the other. We’re all just walking each other home to Jesus’.
