During the last week before launch, after months of pouring over packing lists, of packing and repacking, I decided my bag was too heavy and I needed to drop a few things. I thought about all the things I had packed and I started removing things I had packed “just in case.” Knowing that my route is not likely to get under 60 degrees, I took out things I had packed in case it got cold. I didn’t want to carry around things that I might only use a few times. Using this mentality, I was able to eliminate 10 pounds from my bag.
And, as I have been thinking about this approach to packing. I realized that, just like I don’t want to pack for all the “what ifs” and weigh myself down physically, I don’t want to live afraid of the “what ifs” and weigh myself down emotionally.
Over the past week, I have been facing anxiety that has taken a toll on me physically. And, while I want to be aware of the things that I may be facing—to be responsible and wise, I don’t want to live in fear. And, I don’t have to.
God has been patiently reminding me that these are not my burdens to carry. I can impart them to Him, as Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
And, God is also reminding me that He will provide the strength that I need if a “what if” type situation were to occur. Just as He taught me two years ago today as I attended the funeral of one of my seventh graders who we lost in a tragic car accident. Even when the unthinkable happens, God provides us strength to endure. In the wake of a “what if” I hadn’t even considered, God reminded me that we don’t have to do the hard things in our own strength:
“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” – Habakkuk 3:19
And, while I know all these things to be true, that God carries our burdens and gives us strength, I often have a hard time letting them penetrate my heart. So, it is my prayer as I begin this journey, that God takes ahold of my heart and eliminates my anxiety and the lies that the Devil tells me that I am not cut out for this. Because, as my dad reminded me, no one who has been called to do God’s work was cut out for it. It was with God’s strength that they were able to pursue His mission and partner with Him in His work. All it took was a “yes.”
So, I will continue to say “yes.” I will continually give my burdens back to Him and claim His strength as my own, because I cannot do this of my own strength.
