Back in September, when I made the decision to accept my call to the World Race, I was at a leadership training for Young Life. During one of our sessions, we moved through several prayer stations. One of the stations had us write down our fears and things that were burdening us on rocks. As I laid down the rock I had written “uncertainty” on, I picked up someone else’s burden. While I don’t know whose rock I picked up, I still have it sitting on my desk, reminding me to pray for them when I see it. It reminds me that I am not alone with my own burden either. While the person who picked up my rock might not have it anymore, I know that my uncertainty was covered in prayer that weekend and I’ve felt a sense of certainty and peace about my decision since then.
When I talk with people about the World Race, their questions often surround the uncertainties about the trip.
“What will you be doing while you are there?”
“What are your plans when you get back?”
“Will you be able to go back to your job?”
Being someone who likes to have a plan, I would normally obsess over these questions as well, but over the past seven months, I’ve felt an incredible amount of peace in not knowing. Don’t get me wrong — I’ve still spent a lot of time making decisions over what to pack and which vaccines to get. And, I’m still clinging on to the little things I can control and I still have concerns. But, I have realized that the future is out of my control and not knowing everything may actually be better—because if I know everything I will experience in this next year, it is possible that I might not want to go or I might not be content to be in the present.
While I am content with not knowing all the details, there are a few lingering fears that I do have for this coming year. When thinking about next year, two particular fears rise to the top:
First, I am afraid of offending people by not being able to eat the food that they prepare for me. I’ve always been a picky eater, and, while I have expanded my food palette considerably over the past few years, I still have difficulty getting myself to try new foods — particularly seafood or meat that still has bones in it (basically anything that looks like the animal, insect, etc.) Seeing pictures of people eating spiders, snakes, etc. on the Race has given me a lot of anxiety.
Second, I am afraid of missing out. A year is a long time and a lot can happen in a year and it is hard to think that I won’t be here for a year’s worth of moments in the lives of my family and friends. I will miss weddings, graduations, birthday parties, and any amount of unforeseeable events. And, while I would like to be in attendance for all of these things, it is my prayer that my heart can be fully engaged where I am.
Scripture commands us not to fear three-hundred-sixty-five times and reminds us that we can cast our anxiety and fear onto God because He cares, He provides and He is always with us.
By laying out my fears and naming them for you here, it is my hope that you can help shoulder them with me. I am incredibly thankful to be surrounded by a community that supports me and prays for me. And, like the station with the rocks, I’d love to have my fears to be covered in prayer so that I may receive the peace that only God gives.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7
