Yesterday was my dear mommy’s birthday. Her only request for her birthday was for me to clean the kitchen floors and to go to church with her for Wednesday night service. Simple enough right? I cleaned the floors, bought her a picture frame with a picture of me and her from graduation for her desk at work and attended Wednesday evening service. She was happy and so was I. I’m going to be honest for a second and say that I do not usually go to Wednesday night service. There is usually a reason, but my number one reason is that I do not have a church family at the moment. I attended a church in Cookeville that I would consider my church family, but I mostly just visit with my parents for now until I get back from the world race and can find my church home. So last night was just a little blessing in the middle of my week.
Now I don’t know how most people feel when they attend a church service, but I usually feel, at least at some point, that something was just for me. Whether it be a phrase during the sermon, a worship song, or a specific bible verse. I usually feel like God was speaking to me through something in every service.
At my mom’s church on Wednesday evenings the pastor’s wife, Renee, teaches. Shout out to Renee…she is amazing! Anyways we sang a few worship songs before Renee began. She was teaching over James 2:1-13. It’s about favoritism. Her teaching was amazing, but I really felt God speaking to me before she even began the actual teaching. Before she began she said she felt like the LORD was calling her to say, “Others are watching your life, all you need to do is stand still and seek MY salvation.” She said that this wasn’t a part of the lesson but she felt like she needed to say that. I know there were other people around me who needed to hear that, but all I could think about was how I felt that God was speaking to me through Renee’s words.
You see when I was at training camp a few weeks ago, during one of the sessions, whoever was speaking said that now more than ever we have an audience. People are looking at us, as world racers, and seeing what we are doing and what we are all about. People are reading our blogs and watching our videos and looking at our social media accounts to see what we are doing because…lets be real…it is not the norm. It is a bit radical. Christians are looking because they are excited to see how the LORD is working through us and non-Christians are looking at us because they just do not understand what the point is. Why would I leave behind my career, my family, my friends, and all the luxuries I have here in the United States? I get it…it’s a bit crazy, but it also scares the daylights out of me that people are looking at me.
For those of you who don’t know, I used to be a dancer…so you would think that I would be used to the spotlight. I got over stage fright a LONG time ago. Stepping out on that stage into that spotlight was a lot less scary than this spotlight. This spotlight puts a big red target on my head for the enemy to fight me in every way. People are looking to me to show them God and I sure ain’t HIM. I know, as a Christian, that eyes are on me anyways, but now I feel like this spotlight is lighting up all my flaws for everyone to see. There is no hiding the real me anymore and there is no way to hide from the enemy anymore. The enemy can see that he is not winning my heart so he is going to try and psych me out.
Well here is what I have to say to the enemy. My God is faithful and well able. He will help me beat you down along with all my fears and rejection.
Last night, as I stood their crying my eyes out because I was scared of people watching me and looking to me, I prayed. I begged God to use my new ‘fame’ to make HIM famous. I begged that when people read my blogs or watched my videos they would see HIM and NOT me.
People will look at me to see if I fail or if I thrive. I am here to tell you that I will fail…I’m human y’all, but HE will thrive. My prayer is that I will thrive in and with HIM. I pray that the countries and people I meet around the world will not see Niki, but that they will see Jesus and the church. I don’t wanna be famous, I want God to be famous. I don’t wanna be known, I want them to know Him. I don’t want you to read about me, I want you to read about what He is doing in me and through me.
Niki Ables
