This month has definitely been my most challenging season so far on the World Race. Month five has brought 5:30am wake-ups, some of the hottest days I’ve ever experienced, getting puked and pooped on, and 13 hour shifts working with children who don’t understand a word I say. It has been emotionally draining in more than a few ways.
But as I write these words, I can’t even allow myself to list the negative parts without smiling. I love the babies here so much. Caring for them brings so much happiness, as exhausting as it can be. It’s hot, but we have fans. We are tired, but this month when we fall into bed at night, we get to sleep in a hotel in real beds with real air conditioning. Waking up at 5:30 has created a new habit for me; meeting with the Lord first thing in the morning. I look forward to it as soon as I hear my alarm. I’ve never been a morning person, and now I am changing. The language barriers with the children are hilarious. We giggle and baby talk back and forth. We play games when our language falls short. They don’t care that I can’t understand them! (Also, “no” is pretty much universal, so that helps). Cleaning up their messes prepares me for motherhood. Wiping their tears reminds me of how Jesus wipes our tears. Vietnam is a communist country, and yet I have seen believers live in complete and total freedom. I have had the privilege of attending a local church that was once underground but now flourishes because the government just can’t seem to contain it – so they stopped trying. I have experienced personal pain and seen how near God truly is to those who call upon Him. I have seen how He is truly my Refuge.
All of these things are blessings. But ultimately, it’s all about perspective. When everything seems terrible and you don’t know if you can last another day, what are you looking at? Or maybe it should be phrased as, “who are you looking at”?
Are you looking only at yourself? Are you being a “naval gazer”? I have been so guilty of this. And I have noticed that when I slip into the most despair is when I am looking only at myself. When I am worshipping my own comfort or worshipping others and their approval of me. This is such an awful, common habit. We all suffer from it, even when we don’t always identify it in this way. When your emotions vary throughout the day – depending on how things go or how people treat you – who are you looking at? I know the answer…. Yourself!!!!
The solution is a simple one. It’s a shift of gaze. You who are reading this sentence, take your eyes off and fix them on something else for a moment.
It’s that simple. That is what we do when we are being naval gazers. We look to Jesus. We ask for help because we cannot do it on our own. It is not a battle of willpower. His grace is sufficient. It is abundant. We ask for His help and we praise Him for the thing that truly matters; the fact that He sacrificed Himself for our sin. He died for your crappy mood. He died for your angry thoughts. He died for your impatience. He died for your need for approval. He died for your broken heart. We are no longer slaves. We have been set free!!! Even when everything else is falling apart, when everything hurts and everything is wrong, we can rejoice that we have been reconciled to God through Christ and can live in an intimate relationship with Him. I have experienced this in fullness through this recent season of life.
So who are you looking at? If it’s yourself (it probably is, we all do it), ask for help in shifting your gaze, and see what happens 🙂
