Today I took what I would consider my first flight, (I took one when I was about 9 but I don’t remember it, so it doesn’t count). I was perfectly fine, totally calm, running off of no sleep, prepared to get on the plane and officially fly out, or so I thought I was prepared…
It was then, when I was literally standing on the ledge and one step away from putting my foot on the plane, a wave of emotions came over me. I got that pit feeling in my stomach. That feeling of nervousness, and excitement, and of course the anxiety of what was about to happen. One of my squad mates joked and asked “Do you realize that when we step on that plane, our lives will NEVER be the same?” and of course there was a “Yeah, you’re right, okay” type of answer that I understood what she was saying, but it just wasn’t real at that point either. Well that moment came, and it was very, VERY real. My life will forever be changed, I will not be coming back to the United States the same person as I left. So, the panic of flying and changing and all other emotions was fully alive in me.
As I took my seat in 22A (a window seat by the way), my heart began to thump, my stomach was flipping over inside, a lump rose in my throat, I sat and stared out the window. That was the first moment, I truly realized this is real, this is my life, goodbye to my family and hello missionary life for 11 months.
As the panic of the flight began to wash away, the higher the plane got in the air, the more I looked out and all I saw were clouds, EVERYWHERE and then without warning, an tsunami of emotions…the bigger the lump in my throat grew, the more my eyes began to well with tear, I literally began to overflow with tears. I was listening to the song my mom shared of facebook the day we said goodbye, Farewell by Rihanna. The words were the perfect thing I needed to hear for this trip and at that moment of taking off, and launching on this journey. To know that I have such a loving and supportive family and how immensely blessed I am to have them. I became so overwhelmed, I sat in silence and weeped about leaving my parents and all the other people I said goodbye to for the past month.
I cried quietly on and off for the next hour of my flight, which, mind you, was only and hour and a half long all together. I was just so overwhelmed with sadness, joy, excitement, realization, amazement, and overall thankfulness. Thankful that God picked me to do this mission trip, do his work, and to spread his love, but also, thankful for my family. My mom, dad, brothers, dogs, aunts, uncles, grandparents, best friends, and all of the people that had the faith in me and allowed me to see that any opportunity is available, I just have to obey God, say yes, and take it.
I stared out my window for the entire trip, taking in all of God’s creation, I saw an ocean of clouds and the actual ocean, as I sorted through my ocean of emotions.
Just as I never quit looking out that window, God never quits looking out for us. Just as I literally overflowed with tears, Jesus overflows with his love.
The realization that this journey has FINALLY become real for me.
Above: Ocean of Clouds Above: Actual Ocean (Not picture: My ocean of emotions)
