I have been stirring over this blog for weeks, wondering what to share and how to put it eloquently. I want my readers to see into the heart of our ministry this month, while pondering the intent of God and the Holy Spirit’s role in it all. The honest answer is I have waayyyy too many things to blog about this month, so I will start from the beginning. Hang on, this is a long blog (typical of me, I know).
I was sick for 6 weeks with bronchitis. I thought this sickness would be the most difficult thing, but God was faithful through it all. I was taught to rejoice, to rest, and to realign with His purpose for me this month. God decided this month would be a month of rest for my team and I, what a guy! Our ministry was praying at PenHOP. We prayed for Malaysia, for the world, and our friends back home. We were filled with teachings and prophetic words. God began my month by asking me to pray for compassion on my enemies, to pray blessing over them. In my sickness I pressed on, a strength only from the Lord. I learned more this month than I could have imagined:
#1 – What a church looks like.
#2 – What it means to be the bridegroom of Christ.
#3 – Everything I have been through up to this point has given me roots.
#4 – How God sees my “enemies” (for lack of a better word).
#5 – Prayer truly is powerful.
#6 – The laying down of my pride.
#7 – We must seek the heart of people before we see what they produce.
#8 – Taking captive every thought in order to choose God over your feelings.
I will only go through #1 and #2 in this blog.
Early in the month, we were blessed to have a team from Minnesota come (shout out to the House church). They were incredible, ya’ll. They had wisdom, words from the Lord, and a genuine love that went EVERYWHERE they did. They ministered in a different way than I ever considered… They blessed people wherever they went. In Malaysia, it is illegal to evangelize and convert Muslims. With this in mind, they simply encouraged and blessed the people. When the Spirit moved, they moved. They were hungry for its wisdom. The result? A gushing fountain of love and peace for all. A wall of light that radically changed anyone that came in contact with it. “Now that is a church,” I thought to myself. “That is the most accurate representation of the New Testament church I had ever seen in my life.”
I found myself stirring in thought of all they had done, I wanted to be the light that they had. They brought life with them, they talked to total strangers and invited them into their family. It is so hard for me to put into words what I saw. The Holy Spirit just poured from their mouths, you felt its air when they walked by. That is intimacy with Christ, that is obedience, that is ministry. I know what we are doing with the Race is not in vain, but I gained such a perspective on different ways to bring Kingdom. Sometimes, the Race becomes all too normal and it’s easy to become complacent. Honestly friends, I haven’t invited as many people along this journey as I would like to. To go everywhere Christ calls, to minister to those that you are afraid to minister to… that is marriage to Christ.
A Prophetic Word
Speaking of marriage to Christ, the Lord that knocked me to my knees with this. Three months ago in Lesotho, my teammate Marah had a vision. She described my heart as having many chambers, like a home. At the time, I was just beginning to open all of its doors, after years of keeping everyone out. There was one door, the last one. If that one were to be opened, it would be incredibly powerful and I would stand up strong with the Lord. A couple weeks later, she gave me Hosea 2:19-20:
“And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.”
Three months later, I met Megan. She is a part of the Minnesota team. We had never exchanged a word, until she came to me during intercession and said “You are a person who is logical and practical, you see how things fit together in a practical way. The Lord wants you to tell your story. You will tell it for generations to your children and your children’s children. You will share it with so many people in the way that you see will practically fit. People will come to the Lord because of your stories. You are someone who has been through a lot to get here. He wants you to tell your story. God wants you to know that He loves you, he is with you. He is excited to share in those dreams with you and to reveal these things. He loves your willingness to say yes.” She went on, “I see a hallway. It was lined with red and green roses on the ceiling and light is shining from them, guiding your way.”
I want to give thanks to Lord, because during this time my bronchitis was in full flare. I was tired and was not hearing much from Him. After these words rang in my ears, I pondered them for an evening, then I put my thoughts together logically and practically within the puzzling prophetic word (how typical of me).
What is my story?
Many of you who are close to me know my story, you know the depths of it and my quest for Jesus in these years. I fought and fought, God brought me out of my sickness of heart and placed me to meet people in all of these countries, something I never thought I would do.
How will share it, how will it practically fit?
In Panama, the Lord told me He is ready for me to walk out my calling, He wants me to minister in the music world. Music lasts for generations and is shared with those we love. This entire Race, it has been an absolute joy to hear the Lord reveal my calling and remind me of His promises in my life. I have met musicians all around the world and it has been incredible. Ideas I had as a child, my passion for helping others, my love of song, strong inclinations of my calling in life, always knowing I was unique and different; they were all accurate thoughts, they were all of the Lord. He told me long ago that He would do this, and at least once a week He reminds me. He also is excited with me and cheering me on as a good, good Father.
As if this wasn’t enough already, there is more to this prophetic word from Megan.
I was reminded of the hallways of rooms Marah had seen in Lesotho, particularly the last door. I always pictured it as a hallway ending in a beautiful wooden door with four rectangles. Now, it had red and green roses with shining light.
The Rose
The rose is thought to have had no thorns before the fall of Adam and Eve. They symbolize God at work where they appear and many people have smelled roses in their encounters with angels. As it opens, it gradually reveals its blossoms and layers. Roses have depth. DID YOU KNOW, that they have the highest energy field out of ANY flower (I am so pumped about this!). They have the most Hertz and the most vibrancy. Being a vocalist, this was so intriguing to me considering I must work my vocal muscles to project my sound out to the universe! Roses also symbolize love. Mary, the mother of Jesus is often associated. This is interesting considering that Mary is my name’s sake.
Red and Green
Now for the colors, they are important when interpreting this vision. Red represents the blood of Christ, grace, passion and sacrifice, and the atonement for sins. Green represents the resurrection, and is obtained by mixing the color representing trials (yellow) and the color representing the Word (blue). It represents praise, growth, prosperity, new beginnings, flourishing, rest in Christ, restoration, growing and blooming where one is planted, Christian growth and fruitfulness that comes from living in Christ, being directed by God’s will, and finding peace with Him. All of these are so accurate for me.
The Lights
In Swaziland, I was sitting with the Lord one night, when He pointed my direction to the hills and I saw 3 lights shining in the middle of nowhere. “You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.” He was speaking to me. Now in this vision, lights shine on me and guide my way.
The Hallway
Then, I thought of the crown of thorns Jesus had upon His head and it hit me. In the vision, the roses are on top of the ceiling because they are (in a sense) crowning my head. That hallway is not an ordinary hallway…. It is a wedding aisle. That door is not a door, it is the rest of my life, marked by Christ waiting for me at the door to take my hand and walk together. All of a sudden, Marah’s words made sense in Lesotho. Hosea 2:19-20 had even more meaning than it did before. Then, I read the only two places in the Bible that talk about the crocus (rose) – Colossians 2:1 and Isaiah 35:1. Both were accurate in my situation and all of Isaiah 35 exactly lined up with what the Lord has been telling me all these years. I gave thanks in reverence for this incredible word! The Lord wants to walk out newness with me, He wants to take my hand and dream together, He wants us to be together forever. I am that important to him, that he would want to intertwine our hearts and lavish his love upon me.
He Walked Me Down the Aisle
The next day, I was imagining the vision again. I saw myself dressed in white, walking down the hallway of roses that shone the Light on me guiding my way. The Lord was at the door. All of a sudden, he was beside me. He walked me down the aisle. I bowed my head and sobbed. My heart was fully satisfied. I cannot fully explain what this means to me, but this has power in my life. Now this vision has been made complete and now struck me to the depths of my soul, the places that were missing pieces, the places so I raw I don’t know where to begin.
You see friends, that is the bridegroom. That is the gospel, the good news. In my weakness, He made me strong. When I walked alone, He walked beside me. When I hated myself, He prepared a wedding aisle, ready to adorn me in a crown of roses. When I was tainted, He put a white dress on me. When I stopped dreaming, when I hated my gifts, when I gave up… He still dreamed of my future and planned it for me. He made a path for me when I was bent on making a path for myself. He died in my place when I idolized everything but Him. Now, he takes my hand and walks me through the last door, the powerful place that is an endless gift of satisfaction in Him. I will trust him forever and for eternity. He will love me and take care of me unconditionally for eternity and His vows are a constant promise. He will devote Himself to me no matter what and I will do the same for Him. The good news is I did not have to try. I did not have to be anything. I have been far from perfect, but He saw me as beautiful and worthy anyway. His matchless grace supported me.
Let this be a path for all who are lost and broken, He is near. More near than you think. He is speaking to you. I dare you to get alone and ask Him what He is saying. I never thought I could be so satisfied, yet here I am. I never thought I would be so in love, but here I am. Where does the Lord want to take you? I promise it is a beautiful place that converges all of your passions and desires, for He gave them to you. May this be a blog of hope and peace for you today.
There are more blogs to come about His goodness this month.
In Reverence and Awe,
Mary Beth
