“Remember these, O Jacob,
And Israel, for you are My servant;
I have formed you, you are My servant;
O Israel, you will not be forgotten by Me!
I have blotted out, like a thick cloud, your transgressions,
And like a cloud, your sins.
Return to Me, for I have redeemed you.”
Sing, O heavens, for the Lord has done it!
Shout, you lower parts of the earth;
Break forth into singing, you mountains,
O forest, and every tree in it!
For the Lord has redeemed Jacob,
And glorified Himself in Israel.”
Isaiah 44:21-23
Ever since the World Race entered my life, I have let go of more than I anticipated. Slowly, I am letting go of my future plans, my previously rooted identity, and a past life of incredible pain. Steadily, I am learning to forgive myself for what I have done to others and to forgive others for what they have done to me. Strengthened, I am trying to find ways to let go of daily anxiety and stress caused by things I have done. While all of this is happening, I feel a spiritual warfare unlike any other. Here is an honest statement about the battle in my mind:
Waking up has been the hardest thing to do the last few weeks. I feel attacked because I did not achieve what I worked hard for. I am afraid of leaving a trail of dust and ashes from things I have said and done out of anger and pain. As I graduate college, I want to know that I made a difference and that I am known as being a kind person to others and strengthened by my faith. However, I have faltered and fallen away from who I am the last three years. As I stir in worry that I am leaving college as an unhealthy version of myself, I feel the Lord telling me to be still. Telling me that I am forgiven and that I did the best I could with the circumstances I was given. Fear grips me every morning as I wake. I fear my unhealthy state will get worse as I travel around the world.
But this is NOT who I was created to be. These worries have gripped me and overcome me to the point that I have avoided God at a time when I actually need His peace the most. So I come back to a point of being unable to pray, unable to feel, and unable to recognize His continued love for me. I am reminding myself minute by minute that He is the lover of my soul. That we ALL make mistakes, and His grace has already met me. He WILL change me if I let Him and He is a trustworthy God. I can let go of the things that used to identify me because I was created for a unique purpose that is up to GOD, not up to myself. So friends, I share struggles to leave you with this:
He is the lover of your soul and the death of Christ was for YOU.
We need Jesus because of our iniquities, this no surprise to God.
The world will tell you that your success is based on the opinions of others and the ranking of your social status. Just remember that Christ blessed and spent time with the “lowly.”
The world will tell you what it thinks, but they did not create you, nor do they know God’s plan for your life. He is trustworthy, my friends. I cannot wait to see this Friday’s turn out and how He will come through for me, though I struggle in my relationship with Him. He is my Glory, my Love, my Father and friend, and I will overcome with Him. O death, where is your victory? Oh hell, where is your sting?
