I knew coming into this trip that raising the money needed for it would be the hardest part of the whole thing, but I guess I didn’t realize how hard it was gonna be on me emotionally!! The last couple weeks it has really hit me, the closer the deadlines get, the closer the actually launch date gets! It’s so stressful at times that I find myself just braking down and crying over the smallest things!!
I feel like I’ve done what I can to get the word about my trip out there, I know that last time I got some very negative responses to my trying to raise money and I honestly feel like I handled those responses better than this silence I seem to be getting this time!! At least when people were telling me no I knew it wasn’t about me, but when no one is saying anything the one place my mind seems to go to is that “they’re just ignoring you” or “well I guess everyone is just waited for you to give up again!” and it’s those thoughts that also lead me to know God is gonna do something great through this trip! But in the very moment that thought enters my mind I loose hope for just a minute and start to think “Well what if I don’t!” and that to me is the scariest thought!
Some times I find myself looking at my facebook friends list and seeing that I have 645 “friends” on there, but yet I’ll be lucky if 50 of those “friends” read my blog post, and maybe 4 of those friends that read it will “like” the post, 1 might comment on it, and if I’m super lucky 1 might even share it!! It’s those numbers that honestly break my heart a little, so just know that if God only teaches me one thing through this whole thing it’s who my friends really are, and who is really there for me!! So who knows maybe when this whole thing is over my facebook will get a good cleaning!!!
But for now I’m gonna choose to believe that God has a huge plan for me and that maybe he’ll use someone that I didn’t think he would!!!
