Typed on Sunday night:
As the skies above me have opened for rainfall, church was this home of rest and growth for me. Rest, yet exciting rejuvenation. Everything that was said, sung, and prayed tonight was so appropriate for this new year that has just begun.
The sermon mentioned (among many things) The Renaissance and how they desire for Grace Midtown to experience growth in their community as seen in a renaissance. All of the sudden, I prayed for the first time for a renaissance (a rebirth of revival) in my own life.
Truly, everything that a renaissance is, I prayed for.
For Growth. Revelation. Movement. New, beneficial practices outside of my own limited familiarities. A celebration of art (in all of its forms) and creativity; a getting excited for what could be; spurring and fueling innovation in myself. I am in this place where I’d like my mind to be full and stretched outside of my comfort zones all for the glory of God. I need to move from this cusp I’m standing on and into the new. Into motion! I prayed for God to break open my boxes of limitations I have confined Him in- He doesn’t fit in any box! Who am I to make up limitations to His abilities?! To wake me up. To soften my heart and my mind. I had this mental picture of cold, cloudy waves rumbling with strength in front of me, but could see myself willingly and joyfully wading onward out of an eagerness to step out into new waters regardless of the waves. I prayed for the ability to begin to honestly perceive the life I’m living so that I may act out of truth rather than manipulations or “sin that so easily entangles.” Sincerity and clarity: two things I am chasing after like never before. I prayed for God to inhabit my empty spaces and to engulf the spaces that are preoccupied. To take it all! For Him to give me bravery- a brave joy– in all my ways. I prayed for me to live a worthy risk. To continue to be inspired and deepen creativity in every aspect of my existence. I prayed for God to allow me to go to unknown places (unknown to my eyes). For God to speak to me and as I am listening for Him to affirm His presence because there are times when I don’t know the face of the voices I’m hearing. For God to not allow me to discount holy thoughts as He invites me to collaborate with Him in His desire to expand His family, the Kingdom of Heaven. And, as always, I asked God to “make my messes matter, make this chaos count”(Jupiter, Sleeping At Last).
I questioned myself as well.
Are my ears awake? Is my heart open? Am I unable to realize what Jesus is doing because of the box I’ve confined and limited Him to out of oblivion and lack of trust and my own limited familiarities? Are my eyes honest?
All the while I had lyrics from worship singing over and over again in my head- “You meet me here today. With new mercies in the morning, with new mercies in the morning…” So, as I am chasing after this personal renaissance, surely I will fail. I will fail as I often do now. But! We worship and believe in a merciful God who renews us day by day by day. I find peace in that…that our God is one that renews, mends, and heals. Hallelujah.
I’m just allowing God to grow me as He wills.
I couldn’t be more real, 2017 is exciting me! I’m smiling just thinking about it all- my hands are up in praise! I am anticipating immense growth. As I am currently in the process of seeking out support and fundraising for the Race ahead, I’d appreciate your prayers. I have been reminded that as we ask, we shall receive and I am authentically pleased to get the opportunity to see first-hand God inspired generosity because I truly believe that there are few things more beautiful in this life than simple, free giving. The trust required to lead a life of open hands is immense and I find it so attractive. With that being said, I believe that the Lord has exciting- THRILLING- things in store, I truly do, but this is a season that requires prayer. I’m reaching out to you right now; I cannot go through fundraising without people pushing me, holding me to a standard of sincerity, and lifting me up to always seek clarity in every motion I take as I am seeking support. As in everything, I desire for this to be done in a manner that God would be satisfied with. Prayer is a way to love others, to care for them. He calls us higher! He calls us deeper! I would appreciate for any of you to call me higher and deeper as well.
I am extremely thankful for the time you took in reading this. There are thousands of ways to spend your time and the fact that a portion of it was spent on these words means the world to me. Happy New Year! I am wishing you the very best, nothing but the best! Seek after a renaissance of your own! Don’t just survive, begin to THRIVE!!
