Well, today marks a month that I’ve been back in America. Just like this past year on the field, time has certainly not slowed down. Growing up, I was always told that time sped up the older you got and I’m finding nothing but truth in that now. Every year seems to go by faster than the last. Will it ever slow down? This will be the first time in an entire year that I won’t be packing up what few belongings I had into a backpack and moving to a new “temporary home” for the month. I’ll actually be staying in one spot.
How am I doing being back home now for a month? Over all, surprisingly decent. I still have plenty of moments where thoughts or memories of this past year will come to mind, the wonderful people I met, the 49 other dysfunctional family members I now have scattered all over the states, the majestic beauty of the world that the Lord created by hand and allowed me to see a glimpse of… when it comes to mind, time just kind of freezes for me as I sit there and relive those precious moments and cling to them as tight as I possibly can. Socializing with people is still difficult at times. I get asked constantly, “Are you glad to be home?” My response is always, “I am, it’s definitely still an adjustment for me but I’m getting back into the swing of things here.” It’s true, I AM glad to be back but there is now a piece of my heart in 11 other parts of the world so I don’t quite feel whole anymore. I have found that seeing how much STUFF I own is extremely overwhelming. Why do I need 1 shirt in 10 different colors or 20 pairs of shoes? It honestly disgusts me with how much I have. Spring cleaning is coming very early this year.
Readjustment is still hard. In those moments of reflection, my heart is heavy and I want nothing more than to be right back overseas. I miss trying to communicate with people of a different language, it gives me the opportunity to grow in extending grace and letting my actions speak louder than my words. I miss the hunger the rest of the world seems to have for something..for truth. I miss the excitement of experiencing a new culture, full of history and color.. and authentic food (can’t forget about all that delicious food). I miss being in a community of believers that are SO on fire for the Lord that it pushes me daily to go deeper and deeper with my Maker instead of just settling for what I have. I don’t want just the bare of minimum of what being a christian means.. a free ticket to Heaven? There’s so much more. The creator of the entire world wants an actual, personal relationship with each and every one of us. I don’t want to be a lukewarm christian. I want to pursue Him like he pursues me.
Routines are hard. I want to make sure I’m stewarding this season at home well and making sure I’m doing things that are bringing honor to Jesus. One thing that I told myself I would do, even on the days that I didn’t want to do it, would be to have a quiet time everyday, in the mornings. I wanted to make sure that I was spending my first part of the day with Jesus and giving him my first fruits of the day. I have actually stuck with it and I LOVE it. There’s been a couple of days I’ve missed because of..well, life, but I’m finding that on those days I don’t do it, I truly miss spending time with Him and I can tell a difference within myself that I haven’t. I’m also trying to get in a routine of being healthier..yuck..I know, but our bodies are temples of the Lord and we’re told to take care of them.
In this season of being here, I’m learning to trust God with the desires that he’s placed on my heart and having faith that he will one day give me those desires. I believe that this is a season of preparation for me. For what? I’m not sure but I don’t need to know that right now. I’m learning to trust God with the unknowns of life.
If I’m being honest, when I was still on the race, I did not want to be back in America for very long. Long enough to say hey, spend a little time with my family, and then I wanted to turn around, board a plane, and go back overseas. Since India, I really felt like the Lord was calling me back there. I felt that the ENTIRE race. Until South Africa. It was like he completely took that desire, that “pull”, away from me. I didn’t understand it and I was almost frustrated with Him about it. During our final debrief, I was having a, what we call, “one-on-one”, with one of our alumni squad leaders and was talking to her about it and she said, maybe he’s wanting you to go his pace..not your’s. That’s when I realized that I was trying to take matters into my own hands and make things happen the way that I wanted them to without God’s input… not the greatest idea I’ve had. In Swaziland, I had reached out to several people within Adventures in Missions, 2 being missionaries on the India team that live in Hyderabad, India. I was informed that a few positions on the team would be coming available soon and thought, hey, this is Jesus opening the doors for me! I got the name of the person I needed to reach out to to “begin the process” and that’s when the Lord stopped me. As much as I didn’t want to accept it, I knew the Lord was calling me home for a season. That was almost harder for me to swallow than knowing the race was ending. Since being home though, the Lord has shown me in so many little ways WHY he wants me here. He’s teaching me how to be content with where He has me and in whatever season I’m in. The other day I was journaling the things that the Lord has shown his faithfulness in since being home and wow, I’m so blown away. He truly is faithful and He is so good, guys.
He provided me with a part time job within a week and a half of being home at the coffee shop I was wanting to work at. Earlier that morning I was having my quiet time and praying over my circle prayers (Circle Maker book…read it. It’ll change your life) and of course “job” was listed on it. I was feeling kind of frustrated that morning just because I was already starting to get restless being home and still didn’t feel like I had any direction on jobs and stressing about money. I asked God to give me a tangible sign that day to point me in a direction..ANY direction. Once I finished my quiet time, I decided I was going to go put an application in at a different coffee shop while I waited to hear back from the one I was wanting and maybe find some places to turn my resume in at. Once I finished the application, I turned it in, they asked me to come back later that day for an interview, and she offered it to me on the spot if I still wanted it. She wanted me to start that following Monday but then changed it to Tuesday last min. I got to my car, checked my phone, and had a message from the manager at the coffee shop I wanted to work at asking if I could come in and talk to her on MONDAY. I went in, was at TOTAL peace about it and accepted it. Since working here, I’ve found that there are several other believers that work here. The Lord literally played that all out right in front of my face and the cool part about it is, He let me watch!
Community was also another big fear of mine coming home however, I’ve been able to connect with a guy who also did the race and returned home just a few months ago that lives about 25 min away and a friendship is being built from that. It’s been nice getting to get together and talk about all the craziness that happens on the race with someone that knows exactly what I’m talking about. My good friend Sarah and I were having a conversation one night about how I really have to find a small group or something to get involved in and the next time I saw her she asked how I felt about maybe us just starting our own! Once I get back from Project Search Light in Atlanta, we’re going to get that started. Community definitely doesn’t look like the way I was anticipating it to look like but He is definitely providing and again showing His faithfulness.
On New Years Eve I’m traveling up to Tennessee and spending the New Years with my dear friend and squadmate, Rachel and several others on the squad. After that, we will head to Atlanta for what we call Project Search Light. Our squad will come back together with the 3 other squads that launched the same time we did who we also did training camp with and we’ll spend 5 days having worship sessions and break out sessions on reentry, long term missions, short term missions, and some other things. It will be such a sweet time for all of us to be back together where this entire journey first started for us!
Thank you to each one of you for being a part of all of this with me including this new, strange season I’m in- For the encouragement, the prayers, the grace extended.
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
-Leah
PS- This is PROBABLY my last blog..EVER.. so enjoy!
